London

Well I spent the day in London yesterday - normal stuff, man about a dog etc - and what a day it was! An early start on British rail saw the first of the day's problems, no power. For £60 I expected at least a plug socket for the faithful old 'lappy', but no, I was told, snappily "There are some in first class", to which I replied, with as much sarcasm as was possible at that time, "Great well I'll just give you another £60 and pop in there shall".
After the long and powerless journey I arrived, saw the man about the dog, and then hopped back on a train to catch my ongoing train. This is when disaster struck. I was either given the classic 'Artful Dodger' move, or I dropped my wallet, but either way, as the train moved off and I walked through the station I realised it had gone. I quickly ran back up to the platform to get someones attention but no one was there, I then ran back downstairs to inform the staff at the ticket desk. The first woman I spoke to told me to go back up to the platform and tell someone, I told her that I had done that, she then tutted and asked me what train it was. I told her the exact train, time, and direction that it was going in. I also explained that it contained all my cards, money, and train tickets. She then made a phone call, begrudgingly, and waved me aside saying "Wait there then.....Next".
I waited, whilst panicking and cancelling all of my cards in the process. After around ten minutes I headed back to the window to be told "No it wasn't there, you will have to get another ticket". With this she pulled the blind down! I banged on the window saying "Is that it then, I'm in the middle of London, I have no money, no cards, and I actually bought a return ticket of which will be on record, and your just saying Buy another ticket....How"?. Her answer, "Get someone to buy you one". As she uttered those words she again pulled the blind down, smiling this time, and saying "Ok, yes you will have to buy another ticket, thanks then"
At this point I was on the verge of battering through the office, but as it was I thought that doing that would end in arrest, so I chose just to wander around aimlessly for five minutes to calm down and think.

TO BE CONTINUED................

9.50 p.m Just got back and had my tea, so here goes...

After a few minutes of thought I returned to the ticket office to ask if there was anything that could be done. It was a different lady the second time (who had obviously heard the previous conversation ) and she couldn't wait for me to ask, answering with an inevitable no. She did however have time to spit out one of the nut shells that she was tucking into, spitting it out in the process, before she uttered the words "Get someone else to buy you a ticket over the phone, it will be £55plus the admin".
I decided that I would rather eat my own shoe than pay that again, so I headed for the tube to get to London Victoria and National Express bus. I didn't have enough money, and asking anyone in London for anything is out of the question, so i then headed for the bus stop, to get a bus to a bus.!!!
Incredibly the bus driver (top bloke) let me off the fare as I didn't have the required money. Even more incredible was the fact that I got a phone call on the bus from a lady whose little brother had found my wallet! It was too late to go and get it, and I had missed the train and paid another £30 but she said that she would send the wallet back to me. Major bonus.

An hour later the bus arrived at the bus depot. My wife had bought me a ticket 'online' for the journey back, and so after the obligatory delay, a sumptuous six hours on a coach, the constant smell of ****, no heating, and a back of death, I was back in Devon. What did I learn ?

I learnt that London with no money is an evil place to be. I learnt that staff at British Rail in London can be *******, I learnt that London bus drivers are top people, I learnt that National Express is cheap, but rubbish and a bit smelly. I learnt that I am a pratt for losing or letting my wallet be stolen, and I learnt that when you are a tramp, don't ask a bloke with a suit on, who has lost his wallet, and has no money, for a handout!!!.

P.S Great day today. I was invited to speak in front of the senior greens at P.A.F.C and we had a great laugh. Good memories, a bit of banter, and a cup of tea.

Love is strong.

CH