Friday, 30 October 2009


Phil Brown, the Hull manager, has one game left to avoid getting the sack. Paul Hart, the Portsmouth manager doesn't know whether his players will get paid or in fact who owns the club he manages. At the same club, Portsmouth, Avram Grant waits in the wings for a work permit to help 'aid' manager Hart. Marlon King, the Wigan striker, has been sent to prison for 18 months for actual bodily harm on a woman. He has also been given the sack by the clubs chairman Dave Whelan. Welcome to the beautiful game - still, at least most of the 'Pompey' players are millionaires so lets not feel too sorry for them!.
Yesterday I treat 'Lamb', Kev and 'Bevs' to a spot of lunch. I can't deny that it hurt me to spend the children's pocket money on the lads, but they needed a bit of a boost so 'Tarzan' had to step in. With 'Lamb' considering becoming a carpet or conservatory fitter (recently let down by both), Kev considering becoming a painter (a superb cameo role in the paint pot lifting challenge has spurred him on) and 'Bevs' considering becoming a goalkeeper again (harsh on the big fella, I know) I felt that treating them to some food, drink, and banter was the least I could do to raise their spirits - the banter was free.
It was good to catch up though, after all I hadn't seen them for a while-fifteen minutes earlier on the training ground to be precise!. I don't know who was sweating more in there, Bevs about whether to have a cake or not, or 'Kev' who drips in the bucket load at the mere thought of public and food!.
Next round on 'Bevs'.
Tomorrow I face my old club Northampton, ten managers, three chairman, four years, and an emotional last game, and last goal, for the club in a play-off defeat is a quick summary of life at the Cobblers for me.
Another quick summary is that we are going all out to win the game. It has been a long time since I wrote about a victory, I hope that this time tomorrow that is the case.



Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Hair raising

A blog of epic shortness tonight. A combination of Halloween preparations, a working wife, half term and a late writing challenge (Herald tomorrow - subject, Swine flu) have put pay to any long winded Hargreaves isms this evening. After 1500 words, four pumpkins and a skeleton in a pear tree I am done for, for today.
I do though have to report that I think the nine month prison sentence of a biker caught speeding in the Highlands of Scotland is harsh. Yes he was going 166mph, the judge agreed there was nothing else anywhere near him to endanger (apart from a speed gun) but said that he should be punished for being a danger to himself! A long ban and a heavy fine maybe but to bang up a hard working bloke (a hairdresser as it goes), with a clean record, amongst other, lets say, more salubrious characters than himself, seems a bit extreme.
You would get less time inside for mugging someone or robbing the corner shop, now that is surely wrong. Rant over and out.


Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Paint Pot

I'll set the scene, it's dark, Harriet is desperate for the toilet, Cameron is coughing at 100cpm (coughs per minute), Isabella is asking me for the fourth time in ten minutes how long there is to go and I am being slowly garroted by my 501's. Add to that the fact that I have gone from 70mph, to 60, to 50, incredibly to 40 and then back to 50 - yes the speed camera's again I'm afraid - where do you think I am?
You've guessed it I am in the car having picked the children up at Tamworth services.
With the first leg over and after kissing Auntie Becky goodbye (thanks again and have you seen a picture yet?) we all jumped in the car, again, and began the final trek home. I hate the M42, despise the M5 and am now two inches shorter than when I set off. That sums up the seven hour round trip that I have just endured.
Oh and I also got a call from Wayne and Toddy, with two hours still to go, asking if they should wait for me before they order a pint of the black stuff (thanks lads, just rub it in).
Ok I can now move on.
It was great to see the children again - two days is long enough apart.
On the way back Hatty told me a story "Once a once a time a girl called Tommy went for a walk with she's friend, Susi, a pomegranate falled off a tree, and she was three and then she was six"! Those haribos need checking out I think!
Today at the club we set a few records, the first was how many players we could fit on a pitch in one session, about 50 was the answer. The second was a fitness record, not bench pressing, dips or even rowing though. No, how long could you hold up two large cans of emulsion in each hand!! the answer, so far, 1min 3 sec. More on that subject on Thursday.
For now though it's traction and bed.


Monday, 26 October 2009

50 MPH

Am I the only one who has noticed ? Is the whole of Britain's road network now under the control of 50 mph speed cameras. Whether it be Holden Hill in Devon, the M5, the M1, or the M whatever, every road that I have driven on in the last 24 hours has been littered with the old 'I AM DETERMINED THAT YOU WILL NOT GET HOME TONIGHT' devices.
Not only that but the journey back home, to the 'Northern Riviera' always takes you five hours. You can stop three times for toilet breaks and sweet top ups, drive at 60 mph (if that's possible), have horrendous traffic en route and it will take you five hours. You can also drive not stop, have no traffic en route, drive like Jenson Button and yet it will still take you five hours. It is freakish.
For fear of turning into Jeremy Clarkson I will stop talking cars and motorways.
Instead I will talk football, but in boxing terms. If Saturday's game could have been settled on points it would have been a unanimous decision, we hammered them. Unfortunately though we couldn't finish them off and although a point isn't enough, that next victory is going to come soon and with it hopefully a run of results.
Again our support was fantastic, a long trek, an expensive day, and no points to take home must be hard to bear but we really need that sort of following to pull us through.
My wife and I returned home to Devon 'childrenless', the children wanted to stay for a few extra days to spend more time with their Auntie Becky and cousins Josh and Millie - not forgetting a little package of fur called Bruno. Yes Bruno the puppy was melting hearts this weekend, although the 5.30 yelping on Sunday morning was a killer!
Finally 'Hanson Hargreaves' continued on the sofa today, I just cannot wait to comment on a T.U.F.C victory. Apologies to all if it put you off your tea. (I will keep you a copy though Kev, and you too 'Lamb').
Talking of those two lads I will be treating them, and Scott 'UFC' Beaven to lunch on Thursday. They all need a bit of TLC from the big man, I won't let you down boys. Just text me on Wednesday night to remind me though!

P.S Just watched the final of Masterchef, top stuff, and yes I realise I am getting old ! I have talked about speed limits, driving conditions and cooking.
Tomorrow I will respond with a 'phat' and 'dark' piece of 'bling' scripting, peace.


Sunday, 25 October 2009

Short Trip

Just got back to Devon after a short trip 'Up North' (short trip, mammoth drive). I am without children, without a back and without words. Back to business tomorrow.


Thursday, 22 October 2009

Football Fest

It's a football fest tonight so whilst my wife is out of the room I am taking the opportunity to enjoy the channel hopping - three games to choose from is a dream, as is the cake I have just quickly wolfed down!(one of Scott Rendell's Birthday offerings).
Wife now back in the room, football off, but cake destroyed.
Driving back from Maidencombe tonight I saw a sight which put a smile on my face, a young lad in a Torquay shirt on a football pitch on his own. He was smashing the ball into the net time after time, no doubt as well doing a few kick-ups here and there - I remember the day's! To see a Torquay shirt being worn, rather than a premiership one, was an added bonus.
I am not trying to become a football spin doctor here but after a conversation with a wise old man (my Dad), I have decided to stop moaning about the league position that we are in. In his words "Son you would rather be 3rd from bottom of the football league with 30 games to go than be attempting to get into the conference play-offs with 30 games to go". I agreed.
I know there have been a few rumblings about the money situation we are in at T.U.F.C but there are some top people at this club, juggling more than one role, so let's hope that we start winning, more people turn up to watch - and we reach the Quarter finals of the F.A cup - so that the pressure can be eased a bit for all concerned.

Now for ease of writing, and ease of reading, I will now give you a few classic Hagreaves statements;

To Gary in Australia, I am willing, for research duties, to come over in the summer and check out any budding talent that we can recruit for Torquay Utd F.C. I will obviously need to get acclimatised first and also sample the local food, drink and surf!

To Paul in China, I am willing, for research duties, to come over in the summer and check out any budding talent that we can recruit for for Torquay Utd F.C. I will obviously need to get acclimatised first and also sample the local food, drink and surf !!

To Dave and Clare in Holyhead, keep in touch !!!

To the man in the red Hyundai, you can put it in second gear, you can drive above 20mph, you can fit through a crater sized gap, you can go on green, you did make me late, and no one is looking at your shiny new car.


Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Get Well Card

Get well soon Dan! My next door neighbour and tennis chum has fractured his wrist've guessed it, football. That means no tennis for us and no surfing for Dan, oh and no work. Don't worry mate I will drop you a copy of Captain's Blog in for those boring rainy day's!
Excitement is growing in the Hargreaves household as half term draws closer - Halloween, Cam's Birthday, Bonfire night and Christmas are also massive topics of conversation! When the school bell goes, signalling the half term break, the car will be filled to the brim with DVD player's, crayons, sweets, chocolate and children. Fiona is taking the clan to see her sister, not only will all the children be able to play with their cousins they will also be able to meet a new addition, Bruno the dog (breed unknown yet but it's cute). Harriet will be frightened to death at first but I've not doubt that before long she will be refusing to go to bed unless she is actually allowed to sleep in the dog basket.
I will attempt to get home at some point, result permitting, as the last time I visited the Northern contingent was after a certain visit to London in the summer!.
Must go now as the conclusion to 'Harpers Island' is fast approaching.


First of Two

Sorry about the lack of blog last night, once more I fell foul of terror Tuesday!. Tonight is just as bad though, the combination of Chelsea on TV (support for the boy of course) and a lack of dinner mean that this will be the first of two blogs tonight. The first will end in about fifteen more words, the second will be late on and it will contain more than seventy four words!


Monday, 19 October 2009

Drought over

I must firstly give Alyssa a belated Happy Birthday, Cam, Issy and Harriet say hello and that they really enjoyed your party. By the way, anyone who happened to be in Bear Feet on Sunday must have seen who truly wears the trousers in all T.U.F.C players marriages......'and runaround nowwwwwwww' (it's a knockout if you were wondering).
Ok so after my comment in the last blog, about me needing to find my dummy and then being able to function properly again, how weird is it that I walk into the changing room this morning and, as I bend down to put my kit on, notice an old dummy on the table!, strange but true.
It is always good to return to training after a bad result, slamming one into the top corner or winning a tackle can have real therapeutic benefits!. The only other breaking news at the club at the moment is that the 'Beavonator' has finally ended his drought. He celebrated with a '35g of protein' drink and a 'less than 3% fat' cereal bar, crazy eh !!!.


Sunday, 18 October 2009

Humour Bypass

I am finding it really hard to blog at the moment. I am annoyed at the way things are going at the club and I am taking it home with me in a big way, hence tension at home. I know it will turn on the football side but we are certainly taking our time about it. Not many of us are doing ourselves justice at the moment, not consistently anyway, and that leaves you feeling like you are letting everyone down. I want us to be winning games and the fans to be proud of their team, I want my son to be able to walk out of the stadium happy and I want to be playing well. As we have all been told over the years 'I want' doesn't get so it comes down to hard work and a bit more know how. It also comes down to us players working together more than ever. On and off the pitch from now on is about us all giving a bit of respect to the job that we are able to do.
I can't find any humour inside my body tonight, I will try to put my dummy back in and get back to you tomorrow.

P.S Just read a great letter from a 'pop sider', thanks for your kind words, but I am still going to try to work out why my boots seem to be on the wrong way round at the moment.
P.P.S Well done to Jenson Button, delighted he won the World championship and delighted he has silenced everyone who said he would blow it !


Saturday, 17 October 2009

No excuses

Still want a win, still need a win. No excuses, a very poor display today. Back to the drawing board for us all on Monday. Thanks again for your support.


Friday, 16 October 2009


Want a win, need a win.


Thursday, 15 October 2009


I forgot to mention in the last blog how nice it was to see Avy and Mart (Mr and Mrs H) at the Notts County game. We all miss you so much and look forward to a Riviera visit soon.
P.S Leave the bike in the garage!

Sandwich boards? Are you thinking the West End, maybe Leicester Square. Yes so would I have until today when I saw a guy on a street corner at an industrial estate nearby fully decked out in wood. The funny thing is that I can't even remember what he was advertising, all I remember about it was that he was actually reading a book !!! So he was bored, I don't blame him either, his back must have been killing him stood on that corner with 20 kg on his back, and I bet that every single person who drove past must have said the same thing "Poor bloke, what is he doing there". Don't get me wrong if I needed the money and had to provide for my family I would stand there naked, hopping on one leg, shouting "Roll up, roll up".
Surely though in this day and age the sign could be left on the street corner to advertise by itself. Rant over.
By the way, no abuse please if you happen to see me next year, naked, on a street corner, and with a sandwich board on!.

I realise now how lucky I have been whilst doing my (few) book signings. After hearing about Leonna Lewis' incident I will now be more vigilant, especially with the run of results we have just had. Still I don't think there will be any crowd trouble involved at such small gatherings!!!!!!

P.S Hello to Martin, fellow children's entertainer, T.U.F.C fan and blog reader. Keep up the good work.


Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Par 9 !

Tuesday is rapidly becoming a non blog day, too many after school clubs and not enough time, so apologies about that. I am finding it quite hard to concentrate whilst I am typing away as Hatty is 'jammin'. Her piano and mic ensemble has been taking a real battering lately. Favourite lyrics include "I don't care, I don't care" and "She had fun and she played with she's toys"! All carried out with the most mental of facial expressions.
If anyone reading this happens to have a laser levelling business (unlikely I know) then please have pity on us and pop down to our training ground. Arnold Palmer, Tiger Woods, Greg Norman, 'Monty' or 'Seve', I defy any of you to be able to read the greens on offer at the racecourse. Not only is it like playing on a car park (No rain at the moment, hence rock hard), it also has more bumps in it than Mr Bumps back garden ( I know that is a bizarre analogy but I couldn't think of anything really bumpy and I bet Mr Bumps garden is bumpy!). This results in the ball bobbling around like it's got a weight in it. Not only that, your body thinks that it is actually running on flat ground, when really there is a four or five inch gradient every couple of yards. This results in groin, hamstring, and back trauma of the highest order. Roll on the rain and roll on a roller!!!!.
To be honest though it is good to have any permanent training ground at all. At a lot of clubs that I have played for, big and small, there has been many a day spent driving around trying to find a suitable pitch to train on. At Grimsby we all used to pile into the minibus, the manager and assistant, the players and the balls and our huge portable goals all crammed in together. We would then head off to a destination unknown, sometimes a favour from a local club would see us through. Failing that we would roll up at one of the local parks and set up. It was great for the team spirit, but not all things back then would be recommended now. Tea at half time, your own warm up (optional), and a nip of whisky (optional) before the game all seem a bit 'old school' now, unless your a supporter, in which case all of the above are recommended!.
The game has certainly moved on since then though, players are very fit, they take various supplements, lift weights, exercise their 'core' and stay in more! and most managers now demand as much technology as is possible, from urine analysis to heart rate monitors, from pro-zone 'stats' to BMI tests, it is really a case of getting as much out of your team and players as is possible.
In reality though if a player is in the 'zone' and confident he could have ten pints and a curry the night before a game, he could drink tea and whisky beforehand and he could walk out onto the pitch at 2.59 p.m and still play well ( It has been done )- his career however would last as long as the 'Postman Pat' ride outside our local Tesco's!.


P.S Big up to Howard, a Torquay fan currently serving out in Afghanistan, thanks for the letter and keep an eye out for the post. A yellow shirt will soon be arriving with lots of squiggles on it!!!.

Monday, 12 October 2009


Well what a couple of day's! Firstly last night. Away at Notts County, they are flying high and we are at the wrong and of the league, they are 2-0 up and we are being written off. That's what makes this 'game' so interesting, as we sorted ourselves out and gave a proper performance in the second half to gain a draw. Both teams could have won it at the end, and a point doesn't seem a lot to us, but psychologically it is another comeback and a sign that we are about to turn the season. We have got to go into games now believing that we are going to win them and we have to regain the spirit that has kept us driving forward over the last few seasons. I'll be honest, it hasn't been the same at the club since we returned in the summer, for a number of different reasons, and this may or may not have had an impact on the pitch, but one thing is for sure, whoever plays it doesn't really matter what matters is Torquay United not being at the bottom of the league. That is the only objective for everybody.

Mr and Mrs Miller.

What a day! Congratulations to Jason and Sarah. It was a great day, an awesome location, unbelievable weather (mid October), top food and drink, and not a bad bride and bridegroom!! Sarah looked stunning (Jas looked OK!), as did daughter's (and bridesmaids) Ruby and Zoe. The ceremony was lovely, but as I had volunteered to do a bit of cam cording I didn't really take it in. I was far to busy getting a good view of Sarah (sorry about the close ups!) as she made her way down the aisle. Incredibly Sarah's dad gave me a camcorder with only 59 minutes of space on it! The ceremony alone lasted 32 minutes and the first speech lasted 35!!!!(Lindsey it was good but long!)so you don't have to be a genius to work out that the wedding video was now done.
I thought I had a back up though as another guest (Damien) told me to relax as he had 2 hours of battery left. But no, two minutes into the 'Best Girls' speech he turned to me and said the dreaded words "Battery is dead". I was now down to the little 'Busbi' camera I use for the blog videos. I did as much as I could but then another disaster, as I was trying to press the record button, which was playing up, I noticed that there seemed to be one less video on it. I pressed it again to try to record again and the full horror hit me. The nasty little machine was now possessed, the record button was now the delete button as well! Add that to the fact that four of the children at the wedding were playing with it in the marquee, I almost dare not look at what is left on it.
Still it doesn't matter, that wedding will stay in the memory of everyone for a long, long time. It was, as they say, perfect.


Friday, 9 October 2009


Apologies all round for not mentioning the ups and downs, the tears and tantrums and the ins and outs of my teammates lives over the last few weeks. Self absorbed with my own family tribulations, and training schedule, I know that I have neglected the 'lads'. so let us begin. Martin 'Gallagher' Rice has left the car school to join an Oasis tribute band, and to play for Truro. Scott Beaven is still on the longest barren spell known to man, he is still lifting weights 24/7 and has upped his protein intake to around 400g a day. Michael Poke is now a dad, no sleep and no money the theme there. 'Lamb' Mansell has been trying a Tommy Walsh with his new conservatory, he has trimmed the wool ever so slightly and is also trying to create a breakaway card school - Love to all the extended lamb clan.
Kev has been spending time at Jodes trying to get the 'Jude' look, eating at various tea rooms around the Riviera, hating my lack of contact, hammering the lads for not getting on the end of his corners and playing with cats and mice (it's still me and you mate!). 'Robbo' has as usual been spending as little as possible. Danny is still totally dominating 'Robbo'. Elliott keeps pretending to go in to the 'crusty loaf'. 'Hodgy' has gone to Truro on loan, a big loss to the card school. Stevie has been ill and is almost translucent.
Tyronne has been driving his new merc around Torquay with windows down and music booming, so has Scotty Rendell but with better music! Scott now has the longest hair at the club.."Gypo...Gypo....Gypo".
Nicky Wroe has stopped cycling 200 miles a week and has now put his bike in the garage for the winter
Mark Ellis has been winning MOM's and driving to Bolton to see his girlfriend and to check on JJ. 'Sillsy' is now a weights room demon and is also aiming to become a pianist. 'Toddy' has been enjoying the new baby (not his car), and trips to his beloved Swansea. 'Joycie' still hasn't spoken. Kieran Charnock has been doing core for the last three months, and is constantly sweating! Wayne has been painting the new nursery and buying every conceivable item needed for a baby.
Danny Mills and Marvin have bought a chemistry set.
And finally, I have got a cold neck!.
Apologies if I have left anyone out.
Those goof balls are a top bunch though and I know that they are a full 5% behind me too. Love you lads.

P.S MASSIVE shout out to Jase and Sarah who are getting married tomorrow. Since moving our little family down to Devon you guys have been brilliant mates. We have dined in and dined out, we have been clubbing and been caravaning, we have laughed and cried (Wembley, and you three at X-factor). There has been surf, tattoos, bombs and magnums, but most of all there has been friendship. Hope you have a great day tomorrow and if either of you change your mind at the last minute we can put up a spare bed in no time!!!!! That's what friends are for!.


Wednesday, 7 October 2009


Another strange night of football, a competition we don't need to be in now out of the way, and no injuries. That is my summary of last nights game. Don't get me wrong it would have been great to win it, and it was very nearly a reality, but we didn't and so now it's back to the league and the hunt for points starts again on Sunday.
Tonight I have had a home visit. No, it's not care for the elderly or rent a meal, it was in fact my 'personal stylist' Jody! Part of the care involved, with a cut of the mammoth proportions that I have just had, is aftercare. This comes in the form of therapy and tweaking. The therapy part is the part where I am told 'it's for the best' and the tweaking is the part where I have more hair cut off!!.
To be honest I needed a change and Jody is a great hairdresser so something had to give.
On the home front I am now leaning towards cookery as my new 'toad of toad hall' type hobby. It is still a surfing, motocross and tennis love affair but having watched Masterchef over the last few weeks, as well as Jamie's Road Trip, I am now entering the kitchen with new vigour.... come on Greavsie who are you kidding, your wife has gone back to work and you have had to pull your finger out and step up your game on the old culinary front - children need feeding.
Today though my biggest concern was the little man in the household, CH junior has the 'lurgy' and so the last 24 hours has involved dettol spraying every single surface and item in the house with 'ghostbuster' type efficiency. Tomorrow I aim to batter Dan at tennis, produce a banoffee pie, do 500 press ups, and go for a run.
Got to go now as I have a slow cooking Chilli that needs attention!!!


Monday, 5 October 2009


I was going to talk about something entirely different tonight but after having just turned on the laptop I was amazed at what I saw. On the Yahoo news page an horrific sight was suddenly there. Titled as the world's tackiest 'wag' car, Stephen Ireland (a good player and good lad as he is) has bought his girlfriend a Bentley. Not a normal Bentley though, at an already mind boggling 136,000 pounds this one has also been personalised - for a small fee of another 100,000 grand or so. Complete with pink leather seats embroidered with 'To Jess Love from Stephen', pink alloys, pink roof, and pink spoiler, it looks the proverbial 'Dogs.......dinner'!!.
Imagine rolling in to your local Tesco's in that bad boy!.
To be honest though, as bad as that car is, if he wants to buy his girlfriend a pink car or even a yellow and polka dot mansion he can. Why? because he is on 75,000 pounds a week, he is having the time of his life and he likes spending money!.
In the spirit of Stephen Ireland I am now on the lookout for a present for my non-wag wag. I have got a around 1200 pounds so I am thinking of an Escort XR3i mark 1. I'm going to roll with 22" rims, maybe some hydraulics, definitely some neon lights, and without doubt CHRIS AND FIONA stuck across the screen. I am ripping out the back seats and sticking either a hot tub in (Kenny's mate does them at a discount) or maybe a chill out area. I can't wait to see her face !!.

Tonight the children fell about laughing as dad turned 'pundit' on the TV. Thanks to all my freinds for all their texts, unrepeatable and already deleted!!!.


Sunday, 4 October 2009


I feel angry today, angry that we are languishing at the bottom end of the league. The aim for me is still the same, promotion. It's a tall order but it was at this time last season so the goal that we must all strive for hasn't changed at all. A combination of even more effort, a few signings here and there, better refereeing and some much needed luck should have the desired effect.
That is the serious stuff done as tomorrow I am officially a pundit. I am going in to the BBC to chat about the local teams goals and results over the weekend. Watch out for shouts of 'a game of two halves' or 'the boy done good' or 'goals win games' or maybe in true Martin Allen fashion (my old Brentford manager) I will try to get an odd word in as many times as I can, his record incidentally was nine mentions of the word banana!!! It went something like this..."Hi Martin great to have you here tonight, how do you think the teams will line up"... "Hi, well the home side will be all out banana attack and the away side will obviously be a bit more defensive minded". Brilliant stuff from 'Mad dog', in fact I think he even finished with "It's banana a pleasure".

Must go, my wife is due back soon and the house is a bomb site, the homework needs finishing, the children need bathing and the dog needs walking (Ok I haven't got a dog but you get the message.


Saturday, 3 October 2009


Totally exhausted, so v short blog tonight. I have just managed to get Hatty to bed, the other two are eating their own body weight in sweets in front of the box and I am still immersed in ice. We are still unfortunately waiting for that illusive win, so considering where we are in the table at the moment the support is unbelievable.

Thank you also to those who popped to see me this morning. Lovely people and loyal fans. I signed a book for a guy called Howard who must be sering away somewhere. In it I was asked to sign 'Come home safe', as you can imagine I have now put my own feelings of self pity where they belong, in the bin!!
My wife is away so it's a sort of haribos, red wine, TV remote, children up late, messy house sort of mood this weekend.
Love to all


Friday, 2 October 2009


Huge news ! I visited Jody today (Jodes Salon) for a bit of a trim/relaxation time!. Now for me a short back and sides usually consists of one inch off the length, but not this time. It was almost a crew cut. There was that much hair chopped off that we could have fashioned a decent rug from it. I feel like a spring lamb after having a quick clip. Harriet didn't even recognise me. Thanks Jody, may see you next week for some hair extensions!!!.

The mystery surrounding Kevin Keegans departure from Newcastle has been given a bit of clarity. Not only has Keegan been given £2 million pounds in compensation for constructive dismissal, he has also given his side of the story. Basically Dennis Wise had sanctioned the signing of a player, but Keegan had never seen him play. Neither had Wise, but he had seen some You Tube footage of him in action!! Oh and he allegedly needed to do a few 'favours' for an agent. Football is a crazy world !!!.
I have come across this type of situation before, no names mentioned but let's just say the player didn't last long, the agent however still has his Range Rover sport!.

Finally ish, my body officially resembles a patchwork quilt. Pete Morgan has applied that much magic tape to my body that I am afraid to take it off in case I fall to pieces. Both my glutes are donning pink tape, I have a magnet on my S.I joint and I have taken that many anti-inflammatory that Eastenders is on twice at the moment!. You do have peaks and troughs in fitness over the season and at the moment I am suffering, but like the rest of the boys the fear of failure, and the mind bending qualities of will power, should never be underestimated.
We have another big game tomorrow, as soon as is humanly possible we need to be out of that bottom two.
Anyone who fancies a laugh please pop in to Waterstones tomorrow morning. Thinly masked as a book signing, the egg and wet sponge throwing stall is up and running at 11.30.

P.S Please sign my forthcoming petition to ban all those who insist on spending ten minutes reversing into a parking slot at Tesco's. I know it is nice to return to your car in pole position ready for the lights to go green but, and I know it's crazy, just try to drive in to the space normally, forward, and then reverse out. It will save you ten minutes of hard work, stop lot's of fellow drivers from waiting for you whilst feeling inner stress of massive proportions, and also save your clutch from an early demise. Yours sincerely, moaning old ***.


Thursday, 1 October 2009


Poor show old chap! Sorry I know, too little blogging going on at the moment. I have been very busy in the last 24 hours though, due, in no particular order, to enforced Mrs Doubtfire duties, coaching, icing, and training - hence lack of blogs. The 'Doubtfire' duties have been undertaken as my wife has started work (about time I hear you say). I am of course joking!, not about the work but about the 'about time' bit. I have realised in the last two days how hard it is to look after three children, cook, tidy and entertain. Oh and of course add to that the small matter of playing football - In a nutshell I have had it easy I think!.
Although tough, I have loved it though, in fact this afternoon we even made brownies! The kitchen looked like it had been burgled afterwards but hey you can't have everything.
Tomorrow I will be posting a thorough, topical, and informative blog but for now I am committed to a late night contrast bathing session (ice bath, hot shower, ice bath, hot shower) so it's S of the E of the E you later (overheard it at the school gate!).
P.S Guy, the Russian dolls are mental!!! . I will explain tomorrow