Who gets what

I was going to talk about some of the many events that this country has seen over the last few weeks and months, some things that should never have happened, and some things that only nature could decide. I am choosing not to however, not because I am shying away from subjects that can be very painful and incredibly sensitive, but because turning any news channel on at any certain time will inevitably lead you to more than enough worry and reality.
I therefore aim to give you a bit of a release, a bit of light entertainment - although I could easily run you through a few facts currently being shown on Channel Five's Battle of Britain programme!

"He left school at sixteen with only an ASBO to show for it", I have just heard that comment on the TV and I had to laugh, I know some of these kids get into a bit of trouble, but is it really all their fault? Have they had it tough, have they seen things we haven't, and are they hurting more than us? Probably. I know a few people who I could easily give an ASBO to who are earning decent money, and who are regarded as 'decent' upstanding citizens.
For a start I am awarding my first one to all those who pile past me in the supermarket desperately trying to get home to rip open that 18 pack bag of Quavers (we do eat them by the way, but you get my point). My second award goes to the man in the white van who is determined to get in your boot before you have time to pull over (yes I know your late pal, but my kids are in the back of that car!). The next to get a gong are those who can help, but who clearly won't (I'm talking about the fat cats with the fat wallets, with the fat bellies, and the fat bonuses. You know, the ones who have the Range Rover Sport and the affair on the go at fifty)
My next gong goes to the class snob, who hates modern money, but who loves his inheritance (usually of house, education, and money) and is determined to believe that no one has helped him get a head start in life.
My final gong goes to the man or woman who believes it's always somebody else's fault (if you have a stinker, admit it!, I have had plenty!!!!).
I could have actually done away with listing individual cases and just written out the seven sins, but I'm not hear to preach (well OK I am then). All I'm saying is that the next time you are at the lights and someone looks down at you in their four wheel drive, or the next time the bank manager blankly refuses you help, or even when the next trolley ploughs over you in the supermarket, you have my full permission to shout "ASBO".


P.S PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENCE IF YOU HAVE A 4x4, IF YOU WORK AT A BANK, IF YOU EAT QUAVERS, OR IF YOU HAVE A WHITE VAN. YOU MAY TAKE OFFENCE IF YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR (you lucky people!!)


CH