WAVE ME GOODBYE

Goodbye to 2010, the year that saw our national football team fail, the year that saw two parties and two leaders 'unite', a group of miners survive against the odds, a royal engagement, a swine flu epidemic, the big freeze, a 'Happy' jungle, a darts legend win again, a jockey ride to success, an English cricket team winning down under, a young diver diving perfectly, another promotion at Wembley, a young boy start secondary school (well done son!), and an old friend pass away.

It was also that year saw my football career come to an end, I knew it would be hard and it has been, very, very hard. As much as I miss the 'beautiful game' though, I am excited about the future and cannot wait for 2011.

2011 is for me a mission to succeed, to avoid bull****, and to get a few much needed items. I hope for happiness in all your homes, and as the label on the last bottle of wine I consumed said (45 mins ago), BE PASSIONATE, LOVE, DREAM BIG, BE SPONTANEOUS, CELEBRATE, CHANGE THE WORLD OR GO HOME. Seriously good wine.

LOVE TO ALL, IN THE GAME, OUTSIDE OF THE GAME, AND IN THE CIRCLE OF TRUST.

CH

DOWN UNDER

VICTORY!!!

CH

OPTIONS

OPTION A Get the tree down, put the presents away, start the detox, renew the family silences that were in affect before the break, look forward to the New Year, and regret buying the last few panic purchases.

OPTION B Keep the tree up, spread the presents around, plough on with the brandy butter, keep smiling, don't even think about New Years eve, and delight in the indulgence of the his and hers Jack Wills underwear sets.

OPTION C ????????




CH

EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY

HAPPY CHRISTMAS FROM ALL AT HARGREAVES TOWERS.

CH

Pining

Today was mostly spent buying the dreaded 'last minute bits', which basically involved getting a load of twenty pound notes and throwing them out of the window. Exercise came in the form of a bit of chopping (wood with an axe, rather than carrots with a knife in preparation for a mammoth Christmas dinner) which was great, I'm sure everyone would agree that you can't beat a bit of axe wielding over the yule tide period!
I am torn between enjoying myself with my family for the first time ever over Christmas, and going stir crazy at the thought of not playing on Boxing day for the first time in a couple of decades. Most current players would say make the most of it, and I will, but a major part of me is pining for a pair of boots and a can of Red Bull - I suppose a kick-a-bout with my son will have to do on Christmas morning. Getting him a new ball will help that!
As well as residing out at Southfork with Iain and Joan, we have already popped down to Martin Hargreaves Motorcycles to see Mart, where you need a medal the size of a frying pan to survive more than a week, we have met up with my Bro, Mark, and Harvey, we have met up with Becky, Josh, and Millie, and we have had some 'Petits best' in the engine room with Averil.
Gotta go, the kettle is on for the sixth time today.

P.S A message to everyone: YOU HAVE BOUGHT ENOUGH, DO NOT GET CAUGHT UP IN THE CHRISTMAS SWINDLE, YOU DO NOT NEED ANY LAST MINUTE PORT AND CHEESE SETS OR ANY MORE BOTTLES OF SHERRY, AND YOU CERTAINLY DO NOT NEED TO BUY THE SOAP ON A ROPE THAT WILL GET THROWN OUT AROUND OCTOBER TIME NEXT YEAR TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE NEW ONE THAT WILL BE RECEIVED NEXT CHRISTMAS. JIM ROYLE OVER AND OUT.

CH

Made it

The car was loaded, the snow was cleared, the children were all present, we had half the contents of Curry's on board, and we were finally off.

I did attempt to get the car off the drive yesterday, but seeing Paul (next door) walking past the house with his snowboard I had a strong feeling that the car would remain were it was, and it did. After some persuasive mecidinal sherries and a home made curry (again next door, this time Amanda) the day took care of itself - I had also witnessed four lorries stuck on a roundabout, two vans failing to get up a hill, and a man falling off a bike, it had definitely been the right decision not to travel.

Today however, it was time to get moving. After shovelling my way out of the drive the journey began, and to be honest it was OK. After getting through fifty quid in the tank, another fifty on mentally priced frothy drinks and snacks, and answering a few hundred shouts of (how long now?) we arrived 'Up North'.
As we speak (or as I type) I am now sat next to the fire, Harriet is finally in bed (after another rendition of last weeks school play), Top Gear is on the TV, the beer is cooling, and there is no school or work for a couple of weeks.Bliss. Well nearly, because after packing the car to its absolute limit, after driving over three hundred miles, and after finally getting to our destination after a few days delay we realised we had forgotten something, our sons main present, still in the loft and now at the other end of the country. **** it !!.

P.S Massive thanks to Sarah and Zoe for a lovely meal at the weekend, Ok and you as well Jase!. Be careful when handling the vicious hamsters and there is nothing in the fridge!


CH

More power captain

Struggling to get lift off (well get the car out of the drive!). I will report later, after or without having completed a five hour trek up North.

CH

Me tarzan, you Jane!

I spoke to soon! I hate the fact that those 'Aussies' are fighting back!!!!

I'm not sure how many people have been affected by a dreaded computer virus, but I have, and it's not good. I can't log onto anything for fear of agreeing to some sort of long winded security solution, probably linked to an international ring of network hackers and money laundering scoundrels. Therefore I am trying to type away on Issy's netbook, which is like a rhinoceros trying to make a call with an iPhone. Tonight it is mostly red wine preceded by a hammering of the weights, preceded by a few practice runs down a steep hill with three children and some snow. Later on I aim for some late night ping-pong (Next door) and tomorrow we aim to fall on our bums (ice skating with the Millers).

Special mention to Nic who has been busy raising money for Hospiscare, I drew a raffle for her and some of her colleagues today at the Argal building in Exeter. Well done Nic for doing so well and apologies again for answering the door semi-naked!

P.S Jane, I know it has been a long time coming but here goes. Not only are you beautiful, funny, and intelligent, you are also a regular reader of the blog x. Have a great Christmas my darling.

GOOD LUCK TO ALL PLAYERS AND FANS ALIKE, I AM WITH YOU IN SPIRIT!

CH

Ashes to Ashes?

I am loving the fact we are battering Australia at the moment (at cricket). There is nothing worse than seeing a smug looking Ricky Ponting talking about how good the 'Aussies' are. As much as they are a hell of a high achieving nation, I am deligted we are reclaiming our nations 'second' great game - hopefully anyway!
At home now, and my eyes are watering. It is either, a mild case of St Vitus's dance, the realisation that my outgoings are massivley exdsceeeding my incomings, or the fact that we are heading up North for Christmas for the first time in two decades. I have now comfortably accepted that I like my own company, I have various strains of OCD, I like to swear constantly, I enjoy half nakedness, I moan for Britain, I snack like a baby, I like the odd late night TV session, I have bouts of major insomnia, I do hundreds of press-ups in the middle of the day, I argue with all members of my immediate family on a daily basis, and I love taking the ****. With all that in mind I'm sure the yule tide period will all run smoothly! To be honest though, as we old (has been) footballers say, 'there is no 'i' in team, Christmas is a time for giving, it's a time for others, and it's a time when loved ones spend time together. What a load of ********!

CH

Younger?

Another school play today, this time it was a heart warming story about wartime at Christmas. Issy was great as a secret spy and I took care of all issues concerning filming. My arm is bulging tonight though after holding my twelve year old 10kg camcorder for the duration of the show. I did however have a bit of a lump in my throat as they sang 'Wave me goodbye' in the play, it was the song our old friend Guy Allen had requested for his funeral. It was a really good performance from all concerned, including a great cameo from Arthur the Banjo playing Homeguard.
I think we would all agree it has been a crazy week in the world of football what with Tevez's dummy popping out, Chris Hughton being given the bullet, and big Sam being ousted. Then again, none of it really does surprise me, it's all just part of the football merry-go-round. The only certainty in the world of football is the shape of the ball.
I have to offer my sincere apologies to my 'bezzie' mates and 'cook off' rivals Jase and Sarah. I am saddened to hear that I inadvertently forgot to mention some of our most recent adventures. I not only forgot to mention an epic fire work event(where we managed to put Ruby off fireworks for at least the next five years, and where Jase burnt his hand and I set fire to my hair),I also forgot to mention our epic tee pee building afternoon. Other than that it has been really quiet!!
Finally, surprisingly, bizarrely, unusually, and most definitely, I have had all my locks chopped off. I am now 'normal' and have been told that it takes twenty years off me. That means that I am now Eighteen,so I will bid you farewell,jump in my Corsa Turbo, pick up one of my chicks, and cruise down the seafront. I will then pick up a Big Mac,park up,and make 'the' move.

'Safe,man'


CH

Virus

This is an iPhone blog so forgive me for any 'typos', the laptop is out of bounds due to some sort of virus which is trying to rope me into all sorts of non-family material!
You know what,I'll try again tomorrow as my elephant sized thumbs are really struggling with this (borrowed) iPhone - my wife has allowed a short loan!

Love to all

CH

Biffy Clyro - Many of Horror (When We Collide)

Journey home

A decent game of football, a nice meal out with the family, and a handful of Peroni's. Not a bad day really, the only thing missing was a few games of table tennis and a family session on the Wii........ That was soon rectified by Paul (next door), the dinner was provided by the fish shop (up the road), and the Hargreaves clan only had ten yards to walk home! Thanks again Amanda, I'm next!!!!

P.S

CH

Missing

A decent game of football, a nice meal out with the family, and a decent glass of plonk. Not a bad day really, the only thing missing was a pair of boots and a large rush of adrenaline.

HAPPY PARTYING YOU CRAZY FOOLS

CH

Getting closer

Currently sat down watching Fred Claus with a glass of red, two children, and a bucket load of sweets and chocolate. The lights are sparkling, there are presents underneath the tree, and the beer fridge is full. To complete the family picture, I have just had an argument with my wife (who is now in the bath cursing me!) and Harriet is jumping off the wardrobes having secretly consuming her own body weight in E - numbers. Christmas bliss. Regrettably there are no nuts or satsumas flying about which is also a blow, but my Chocolate Orange and Toblerone will soon be nestled under the tree in their 'subtle' wrapping paper disguises.
We are actually heading up North for the first time in twenty odd years to spend Christmas with our families so I hope both Grandad and Grandma Santa's are ready for battle!!!
I will be heading South tomorrow (OK well just to Plymouth!) to help Sparksy out with BBC Radio Devon's commentary of Plymouth v Exeter, and on Sunday I will be mostly lying in - I mean my wife will be mostly be lying in of course.

P.S Big thanks you guys (C and C) for a lovely lunch and whole load of inspiration!

P.P.S Never use Tipex! I have managed to ruin two leather chairs, a table, and a carpet with the evil stuff. I might as well have blown the bottle up such was the scene of devastation I created.


CH

Pairs

Overworked and underpaid, tired and hungry, salt and pepper, black and white, Morecambe and Wise, you know the stuff.

Tramodol on board, good night all.

CH

Meet

I met up with a few old mates today. Firstly I had a good old blast with Ricardo, Guru to the masses, and secondly I met up with Mr and Mrs Nicholson. Rich attempted to fix the stiffest back in Devon, and then it was time to catch up with my old mate Kev. We popped in to Ann and Antons favourite refreshment place for a cuppa and a catch up. Kev had a go at me for not being in touch the first five minutes, but I was far too busy talking to Jenny to listen. I have to say though that I do miss him, I miss his negative banter and constant moaning at my head tennis brilliance, and I miss his shocked and offended look if I ever shouted at him on the pitch.

Say hello to the boys for me, and keep up the good work pal (that being keeping hold of Jenny!). x

CH

Glass

Forgot to mention that my glass back has officially gone. The result of a few waves and a four year old girl, my spine gave in yesterday and since then I have been walking as if I have some serious tummy issues. I have taken the strongest pain killers outside of a stable and I hope to return to action soon, but for now it's a case of grinning and bearing the pain, and enjoying the hallucinogenic happy pills. Apologies to all those I have let down (Paul and P.A.F.C legends). I couldn't lace my boots, never mind play a game mate!

Richard I'm on my way.

CH

Cam

Happy Birthday to Cam Hargreaves (4/12/98). A classic day was had by all involving a dip in a spa, a taste of River Cottage, and a breakfast of chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. I honestly cannot believe the little man is twelve, it only seems like a few years ago that we were bringing him back home from the maternity ward. We were living in Plymouth back then, and after Fiona did her stuff in record time and without pain relief, of which she reminds me of all the time as I had to have a couple of paracetamols during the birth, we brought our little bundle back. We laid him on the bed, laughed, and said "What do we do now"?. Twelve years later and we are still not sure, but he hasn't turned out too badly. He has a short fuse, goes slightly crazy at times, he can run for Britain, he hates losing, he is brave and funny, he is obsessed with chocolate, football, and cars, he hates going to bed at night, and is convinced he will be a millionaire. Like father like son.

Footy now and as the big freeze put pay to most of the fixtures locally, the only thing to do was to go sledging. The new sledges were bought, the local Millets was again ransacked of all its produce and we were ready, but in true Shaun Ryder 'speak' the snow had unfortunately ****** off!

Have a great day one and all.

CH

FIX

What a joke!!!!! Even Golden Balls, the Prime Minister, and Prince William couldn't get the 2018 World Cup to England. It has gone to a nation supposedly riddled with corruption, a nation where a cold snap means -30, and a nation where everyone eats cabbage soup! Not that I am bias, or generalising in the slightest, but how can we fail to win a bid ahead of the 'ruskies'. Apart from Vodka there is absolutely nothing to entice you in, unless you are a fan of dolls or strange dancing (not that sort!). Of course you have St Petersburg which is beautiful and full of history, but sitting in a cafe and having someone whisper red fox in your ear, and ten minutes later being driven away in a blacked out Mercedes by four lads talking about the cold war is not my cup of tea - See you there.

We are in a Christmas frenzy! Some prices have obviously been hiked up because of the weather (i.e kids gloves from MOUNTAIN WAREHOUSE), and some prices have inevitably been dropped (i.e sunglasses from anywhere) but shopping for Christmas has broken me today. Too many people, too many sales, too much on the lists, and too cold. In short, a horrible experience. I'm thinking horse chestnuts, real hot chocolate, a Christmas market, an ice rink, a bit of snow, a Father Christmas with a real beard, no crowds, and some sexy female elves (the last one is unacceptable and will be deleted). Any ideas?


CH

Absence

Report to follow....

CH

Bearing up

Christmas shopping, school projects, and cooking dinner, it's enough for man to take, I am heading for the beer fridge and will join you again tomorrow.

CH

Burst Bubble

Before anything else, I have to talk about Tuesday nights football fixtures. I completely forgot to do it yesterday, but there were so many good performance and fight backs that they definitely warrant a mention
Torquay battering Wycombe for 90 minutes, Plymouth coming back from a goal down to win a vital game, Exeter coming back from the dead to level at 3-3, Northampton coming back from 2-0 down to draw, and Oxford coming back from 1-0 down to win away. Unbelievable stuff.
I can really see my old mates at T.U.F.C kicking on now and getting promoted, I know it's a bit of a statement, but why not, why shouldn't they be the team to do it. I'm delighted for Wroey to be back in the goals again after what must have been a very strange month for him!
Of my other previous clubs I'm not sure, I think Plymouth have a lot to deal with off the field at the moment, but as the play-offs are pretty much always reachable with a good string of results, you never know. At Northampton, 'Sammo' must be feeling the heat a little bit, hovering just above the bottom two, and for Oxford I still think they have the capacity to kick on and go up again.
When you step out of the football bubble for a while, as I have, you can take a much more philosophical viewpoint on the game, on results, and on league positions. Admittedly there is zero pressure, and that may the the reason why the rest of it now seems like a circus to me, but one thing is for sure though, I will back in the bubble at some point!

CH

Star quality

It's not often that I would write about a bit of good quality radio chat, but yesterday afternoons offering was an exception. Richard Bacon's interview with Bette Midler was brilliant - for our younger readers, Bette is a very famous singer and actress - she went on to talk about her rise to fame and her disbelief at today's microwave stars 'done in no time but soon burnt to a crisp', that's my analogy so I hope you like it!
An appearance on the Johnny Carson show catapulted her into the public eye, incredibly she was also the last person to perform on that very show - for our younger readers Johnny Carson was, at his height, one of the most famous faces in America, interviewing hundreds of A-list stars - Mrs Midler was generally amazed at the world of celebrity now and how reality shows have shaped the stars of today.
Today's 'stars' don't really have careers any more, they just burn brightly for a while, burn out, and are then forgotten. I wonder how many faces we will remember from this years X-factor, come to think of it how many can you remember from last year?
It was just a nice piece of old school wisdom and I thought I would share it with you!

I feel I have to talk about 'I'm a celebrity, get me a mini frozen Yorkshire pudding with beef, cos aaaarrrreee Mums go to Iceland' because it is just absolutely horrific. In no particular order, the jail thing is an utter joke, Gillian is on the wrong show and if we are supposed to take nutritional advice from someone like her then we really are all doomed, I still have no idea who Aggro is, and Limpit truly is a total weasel. Well done Nigel for walking and Shaun to win.


CH

Memories

I met up with a few old team mates yesterday. With Brentford playing away at Plymouth it was good to see a few of my old muckers - well all two them who remain at the club, Kayleigh Osborne and Kevin O'Connor.
As much as it was a bad result for Argyle I was really pleased for Kev who is currently the Bees longest serving player and their captain. Although they have been struggling a bit recently, the South West has been a happy hunting ground for Brentford, with them having beaten Exeter 4-1 a few weeks ago. I was also at that game and Andy Scott now wants me to go to all Brentfords games!- sorry 'Scotty' no can do mate, but all the best to him and the boys. It is a great club and the one season I was there was incredible. Tipped for relegation, we narrowly missed on automatic promotion to the Championship, and eventually lost to Sheff Wednesday in the play-offs. A trip to Abu Dhabi, a double hernia, a bad case of septicemia, thirteen yellow cards, and a Tag watch are just some of the memories from that season, and that's without mentioning having Martin Allen as your manager!
As much as Plymouth's turbulent season continues, my ex employers T.U.F.C are still right in the mix, and up the road at Exeter the play-offs could be back in sight after a great win at Huddersfield. I can't run through all of my old teams results because I need to get the roast chicken on, but walking down the tunnel to see some of the lads yesterday did me no favours at all in trying to dampen the desire to put the boots back on. Stop it, just stop it.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend.


CH

70's

The Hargreaves clan were very proud last night as CH junior picked up an award at Exeter Cathedral. It wasn't for him tidying his bedroom well, or even going to bed at the right time, it was for being a good lad at school and doing well in sport. Along with his fellow award winners he was pleased as punch to be given a certificate for excellence, it didn't last long though, we arrived home at 10 p.m and he still had his maths homework to do, Chin up!


I really hope that a few people managed to catch one of the best things on TV this week, and I don't mean 'Celebrity muppets sponsored by frozen prawns'. 'When playboys ruled the world' showed an insight into the lives of James Hunt and Barry Sheene, two racing icons of the seventies. It's funny really because over the years when people have asked me who my hero was, I always gave the same answer, and it wasn't a footballer. I would always say Barry Sheene and my dad. I wanted to race bikes when I was younger as my dad had, but falling off a few times quite badly pushed my dad into giving me a football.
I still loved bikes though and anyone who knows about bikes will have heard of Barry Sheene. Together with James Hunt they were the first celebrities of their day, both winning the World championships in their respective sports in 1976, and along with George Best they would change the image of a sportsman forever.
Barry Sheene and James Hunt got up to more back then than all of todays stars put together, but they admitted it and they celebrated it. Without a posse of advisers in tow they had a fag on the start line, they swigged champagne after a race and they partied like there was only a week to live, and in those days that was often the case. In the bike world alone it would not be uncommon to lose thirty riders in a season such was the danger at the circuits,but these lads just got on with it.
It was an incredible documentary of an incredible time in British Sport.Please try to watch it on iplayer, imac, big mac, or whatever other source you can find, because it is well and truly worth it.

Tomorrow I am going to watch two of my old teams play, in Plymouth and Brentford, so listen out for Sparksy and Greavsie arguing on the radio, and on Monday I shall be snuggling up to Nat on the sofa,looking at the goals from the weekend, and hopefully talking through a few West Country wins.
Other than that, in true seventies style, it will be a weekend of beer, fags, women, and BRUT, just don't tell my wife!

CH

Average

Just got home with the boy and watched the England game. As it was late, and Cam has school in the morning, we watched it on fast forward. Basically the team in blue had lots of possession whilst the team in white didn't. All in all it was very, very average. It looked like an average team of average players, with an average manager on above average wages. We have to get our players to love playing for their country again because as it stands it all looks too much. Too much grief and aggravation, from the press and from the fans, but until they see something they like it will not change. Off the pitch and congrats to mini CH for his sporting achievements this week, well done son.

Sweet Dreams

Big CH

Frozen prawn stuffed with garlic sauce anyone?

I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, what a load of ****. I don't know who Gillian McKeith's agent is, but I'm sure that between them they got the wrong show. She is scared of heights, spiders, snakes, in fact she doesn't even like air. Although I am usually critical of the voting public (Wagner, need I say more) I must say a massive well done to the British public for voting her to do the trials.
I will be watching of course though, and why? because the entire 700 odd other channels available are also ****. To make matters worse I have to endure Iceland adverts every five minutes. I don't want a prawn stuffed with garlic sauce, and I certainly don't want it deep fried and then frozen. Come on, the rants are back!

Shaun Ryder, Nigel Havers, or Stacey to win!

CH

Fright night

What a waste of money. With all the hype surrounding the Haye v Harrison fight I actually got sucked in and purchased it, so while my wife showed her normal Saturday night party instincts and trotted off to bed, I tuned in to see one boxer throw a few punches and the other boxer throw none. It was, in truth, a massive let down. In fact not one punch was thrown by either fighter at all during the first round, surely a suspect betting scandal to be investigated there! Audley Harrison must be feeling low today, admittedly he was trying to be cautious in the first few rounds, but to lose having not even had a go is poor.

In other news, I am low, lower than a skunks belly, lower than Josh Low, lower than Rob Lowe, and lower than the lad who came through the door without even opening it. Only remembering those poor young lads who died on freezing battlefields, miles away from their families, and those who perish today, is pulling me out of my self pitying slumber.

Love and Peace to all

CH

Language

Excuse my language, but, hell, fire, and damnation, I cannot believe I have failed to blog for four days. So much to talk about and so little time to do it.
I was going to blog yesterday but with it being Armistice day I knew that everyone would groan at my obsession with the war, and insistence that everybody know the full facts again. Therefore I kept silent, and then kept silent again, alone by the laptop at 11 a.m. with my own thoughts for company.
Well this week we have had a pretty boring Manchester derby, a pretty exciting West Country derby, and another great post match interview with Ian Holloway, and I have had a few mid season offers to put the shin pads and boots back on, but at the moment that one is on the back ring, on the back burner, by the back door.
Off the field of play now, and the circle of trust is still in place, the children are still on course, and my wife is still ruling with an iron fist. I am heading for my first Christmas off in over twenty years and my varied plan for the future is as varied as ever.

P.S If your not already, get on the 'Trip'. Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan. Brilliant.

Hebben een leuke weekend

CH

Charity

I blew the dust off the old boots tonight and turned out for a Torquay XI against a (very fit!) police XI - the changing rooms were very safe, but there was a speed camera on the way into the football club. I'm joking of course, I have to say that the boys in blue were an absolute pleasure to play against and a return fixture may even be on the cards after tonights match.
As well as showing signs of Riga Mortis, I also gave the opposition a huge boost (on purpose of course) by giving their keeper a chance to save my penalty. Although it was a world class save I admit that I may be a bit rusty. Having not played for five or so weeks (the last game was also a charity game, but I did manage to score a penalty in that one!) I was a tad stiff, but our lads were magnificent, especially 'Deano' whose own penalty miss was even worse than mine, thanks for that mate. We eventually won the game, and I was given the chance to lift my second major trophy for the club.
It was great to chat with some of the TUFC fans after the game, and to see some of the old gang there as well. Finally, and most importantly, the night raised a few hundred pounds for a brilliant cause, Rowancroft Hospice. Without doubt an unbelievable job done by unbelievable people.

Get the ice.

LOVE TO ALL

CH

Ill behaviour

Man down, Tarzan down. Many apologies about my recent blog inactivity, I have been 'bugged'. Obviously I have managed to do 'Doubtfire' duties such as the school run and polishing the brasses, but anything else has been a complete no-no. I am now much better though and have in fact mustered the energy to jump on a train today, although the conversation I overheard a couple of students having nearly finished me off again - please don't misinterpret this as me not liking students, I do, and I did live that life a long time ago, you know what I mean, cheap rooms, cheap beer, cheap fags, and not much work - but this little chat was hard to bear
Student 1. "I was like sitting in my bed and it was totally amazing, I think I saw like a star die, it's like a billion to one but I don't know I think it like happened
Me. Oh god get me a gun
Student 2. "Wow that's totally cool, I know what you mean though I love looking at the stars at night, I could see it all the other night, the Milky Way, the Plough, it was amazing"
Me. Jesus, Patrick Moore has turned up.
Student 1. "My brother has like figured out a totally new piece of software, he has basically like blocked out Microsoft and they are so not happy, it's so annoying he is so good with computers, I do love my 'Ap Mac' though"
Me. Spoilt!
Student 2 "I know, hey did you see Paranormal Activity 2 yet?, my friend saw it and afterwards her boyfriend like totally freaked her out by like pulling her out of the bed by her ankles, she is not speaking to him"
Me. If true, good banter by the boyfriend.
Student 1 "Yeah, I just have to see it, it's like two guys in a room with a camcorder and they have like made three hundred million. I am sooooo tired"
Me. Thank the lord it's my stop!
Am I getting old?

P.S Bale for England, oh no maybe not.

CH

Last nights TV

Cringe factor, not X - factor. I could barely look at the TV last night as Jon Bon Jovi warbled on along with the rest of the X-factor mob, it was horrific. Sorry to all you Bon Jovi fans out there, and yes I know he has flogged 125 million albums, but it was a killer. There was also a brilliant bit of tension between JK (who I thought was great, and who sang live!) and Cheryl. Actually, only Simon clapped at his performance, whilst the other three stayed sat down motionless. Maybe someone has hit a raw nerve about singing live on the show!
I then watched some of Jamie's 30 minute recipe 'thingymebob', and again don't get me wrong I don't mind Jamie at all and my wife has every single book of his (and every other chefs I might add) but watching him throw around the olive oil last night was torture. He must have got through a litre just on the starters, in fact I have a sneaky suspicion he bathes in the stuff, and please Jamie, wash your hands my old mucker.
Apart from that Sunday TV was spot on.

Love to all

CH

Results

Torquay won, Oxford lost, Brentford won, Northampton won, Plymouth lost, Hereford won, Hull drew, Grimsby drew, Everton won, and West Brom play today. That is my football update, well for all the clubs that I have played for anyway!.

CH

Yule tide

With Christmas just around the corner I am waiting with baited breath to see what delights my little beauties will have written down on their lists. For the older two (Who I know still think Santa is real) it will no doubt be something heavy duty like a small car or an Apple Mac, whereas Hattie (Who isn't bothered either way as long as she gets some sweets) would honestly be pleased with anything. My little power pack would be quite quite happy with a six pack of yogurts, as long as they were accompanied by a couple of bags of sweets. Of course we will get her more than that, but my wife is slightly disturbed that all she has asked for so far, after looking through one of the six Argos catalogues on the go, is a dust pan and brush or a hoover! I know it is not something any mother would actively encourage her daughter to get used to doing, but as I have been displaying increasing signs of turning into Mrs Doubtfire recently (OCD problems), she needn't worry about Hattie only seeing a woman do the chores!!
Before 'Chrimbo' however we have Bonfire night, Halloween, and a birthday to look forward to look forward to, so for now the sight of a long(ish)haired Santa knocking on the door for a visit is only a distant worry.


CH

Elbow One Day Like This with the BBC Concert Orchestra and choir Chantage

Action plan

Blah,blah,blah,blah,blah! Sometimes talking can be very overrated, tonight is one those nights when action speaks louder than words. Action = red wine, silence, and bed.

Spokoinoi nochi

CH

See the light

I happened to be at Fulham football club's training ground at the weekend, and apart from bumping in to a very sombre looking Danny Murphy, the car park was a dead give away for a Premiership footballers workplace. It was awash with 21" rims, blacked out windows and a shed load of Porsche, Range Rover, and BMW badges. It must be funny for the lad operating the gate at the training ground, watching hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of motor fly past each day, well maybe not that funny because the realism in football has, I think, just about disappeared.
Unless Wayne Rooney scores thirty goals from now until the end of the season and bangs in another ten for England I honestly do not see his £250,000 wages each week being justified. Ronaldo yes, because he is a one off. He has done it in two countries already, he has learnt another language, he gets people off their seats - and he has just scored four for Real Madrid!
I know a lot players in most of the divisions and I know what they are on. Some are on very good money and some are on peanuts, but for one player to be plying the same trade as another and yet be earning five hundred times more, is surely not right. I'm not bothered whether one plays for Man Utd or one plays for Hereford, and I'm not bothered if one has a Bentley or one has a Fiesta. What I am bothered about is one taking the absolute **** and believing he is above the rest of the football world (as well as his own team),and I'm not even judging him for the off the pitch stuff because if I was, I would be writing all night!
What I am saying is for Christ Sake someone please do something that actually puts football back in a decent light.
Breath.

CH

Making your mind up

I cannot believe the saga surrounding the Rooney deal. It has been an absolute joke and Ian Holloway had it about right when he gave his summary on Sky Sports News... that is was an absolute joke!

A mate of mine has just returned from a trip to Euro Disney - you know the place, Mickey Mouse, loads of French people, and a heart attack on the wallet. He actually stayed at the hotel we stayed at a few years ago, and I remember how traumatised I was back then at the price of a coke, or in fact a Minnie Mouse outfit (for my daughter, not my wife!!!). Well, my mate went one further (or in fact, two, three, and four further). Like me, he took the family, and like me he spent a fortune, but unlike our trip, which coincided with a scorching French summer, his little break was also freezing, and had gone up in price. In summing up he conceded that it had been a very average family holiday, and all for the princely sum of five big ones! Why do we do it? I am wedging myself in Devon next summer and I'm not setting foot near a check-in-desk, or a shell suit, or a banana boat, or a lilo, or an airport argument, or a set of new locks, or even a bottle of aftersun.

Chocks (not) away

CH


P.S Apologies Ian, I have just remembered about Thursday, life is a bit hectic at the moment!!!!

Magnificent

The only topic of conversation I have for you this morning (obviously apart from how on earth George Osborne is going to clear our massive national deficit!) is the magnificent hat-trick scored by Gareth Bale last night. Pace, power, skill, and three unbelievable finishes at the San Siro. Wayne who?

CH

Red to Blue

Surely Wayne Rooney cannot sign for Man City, can he? I know the money will be immense and that City are a club on the up, but to leave one of the biggest, if not the biggest club in the world, is one big, bold decision. I don't know to what extent his relationship with Alex Ferguson has diminished to, but something is obviously not right. On the other hand it didn't do Denis Law any harm or more recently Carlos Tevez to make the move across the city. If the situation at United is as irreversible as everyone is making out for Wayne Rooney, then the inevitable move will happen, and he will go somewhere, but is Wayne Rooney prepared to go to the continent, learn a new language, leave his family and friends, and join a new set of team mates he doesn't know? I don't think so somehow, so get the contract drawn up and be prepared for the **** to hit the fan when he goes from red to blue.
And am I really bothered what happens, no, not in the slightest.
Admittedly it will be a good story if he eventually does go somewhere, but until he scores the winner for England in a World Cup final, he is just another very good, very well paid footballer, with a liking for the odd back street massage! Harsh but fair.
What the hell, while I am in good rant form I will continue randomly and with no bias. Here are my top five rants for the week.
1. Owners of mental rabid dogs who walk them near kids and say "He's OK he doesn't USUALLY bite". Let me be the judge of that as I scoop my child up from it's snarling jaws.
2. The fact that there is more mince in Strictly Come Dancing than in last nights 'Spag Bol'
3. Greedy muppets who insist on barging their way through Tesco to buy the entire bread aisle.
4. Those who sponge, and brown nose. (Old school generalisation I accept!)
5. Ex footballers who rant about anything that annoys them!!!!!!

Other than that life is damn good.

Do not ask the lord, just thank when you receive.

Sweet dreams

CH

Thrillers

All sorts of goings on this weekend in the world of football. Three of my old clubs were involved in seven goal thrillers. Firstly Torquay, and as much as it must have been an exciting game for the spectator (well definitely for the Bury fans anyway), I'm sure the home changing room at Plainmoor will have been a bit fiery after Saturday's game. Northampton Town were another one of my old teams on the receiving end of a comeback at the weekend, and I think my old mate 'Sammo' will have reached for the 'tea cups' after seeing his side lose.
After famously beating Liverpool in the cup, they now find themselves near the bottom of league 2, as do Hereford, again an old team of mine, although they must have had one hell of a lift after pegging the 'Cobblers' back from 3-0 down, to win 4-3.
We all know this game by now though, it can turn very quickly, sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a bad way, it's just how you handle those bad times that makes the difference.
I don't often harp on about the troubles of football clubs, but I will make an exception for Liverpool. After being by far the most dominant club in England for a couple of decades, they now find themselves in utter turmoil. They have slowly lost the identity that made them the giant of the domestic and European game. Too many bad players, too many managers, and definitely too many owners, has not only seen the club burdened with a huge debt, it has also seen half a dozen teams overtake them in terms of status. I'm sure they will rise again, but at the moment the club is at rock bottom. Bring back the yellow away kit with the subtle red pinstripe (I wore it with pride), bring back King Kenny (to play!), bring back Crown paint as sponsors, and bring the good times back to the original 'Mighty Reds' so that my mate Jase can start enjoying the Merseyside derby game again.
They say 'You'll never walk alone' but they also say don't let Americans buy clubs and don't don't buy midfield players from abroad, for twenty million quid, who can't score, tackle, create, head, or track back.


As far as home life is concerned, all is quiet. I think I may be talking about that side of things a bit too much at the moment, so for now it's lock down.

CH

Fiver

Extreme tiredness = eight word blog

Love to all

CH

Wembley nightmare

From Kitchen Nightmare to Wembley nightmare. As mentioned in my last blog I watched the highlights of the England game last night, and I have to say I'm glad it was only highlights. What a bad game. Capello is either struggling to get his message across or he is now struggling to inspire his players. Playing for England is undoubtedly tough but surely we must be winning games like that. I think Capello needs help, and not just with his English, he needs a right hand man. Last night I looked at the bench and sat next to Capello was Ray Clemence.
Don't get me wrong he was a great keeper, but if our national team manager is in need of a second opinion or a bit of guidance in an important game I very much doubt Ray Clemence is the man to do it. I could be wrong, and I'm sure old Raymondo knows more about the international scene than me, but an ex keeper who has never managed (but who has hung on in there, reign after reign) surely cannot give an informed tactical decision on World football.
Obviously Stuart Pearce is usually there, but he has publicly stated that he hasn't the experience for the job, again not a massive help when massive tactical decisions need making. So that leaves Capello, still berating his players, still struggling with the language, and still giving the impression that he could take it or leave it. All for the princely sum of 6 million pounds a year. Whats the answer I hear you say. Short term, sack Capello (he would get another club straight away anyway), give the job to Harry Redknap, use the four million a year you would save on his wages to the coaches in the country who are struggling to do the job they love, and start getting the players to play with a smile on their faces. Long term, cut the pitch sizes in half at youth level, make it easier for good footballers with football brains to get qualified to coach, have a winter break for players to stop any late season burn out (e.g Rooney World Cup), use more players from the championship if they are good enough, and totally reshuffle the board at the F.A.
Amen.


In other news, I must dash as I think I may have left an old oil painting down the back of my sofa, and I haven't yet checked my lottery ticket from the 113m jackpot draw.

CH

Kitchen Nightmare

Shall I tell you who is really annoying me at the moment? The answer is Gordon Ramsey. Stop bouncing around and stop giving it the large one would you. Other than that small issue, I am just about to watch the highlights of the England game (a bit late I know but I still don't know the result) More hope and more expectation, so lets see what happens.

CH

Gap

Firstly,sorry about the gap in postings. Secondly, apologies about the length of today's blog!

More later

CH

Breaking News

I cannot believe I forget to share some massive breaking news with you. The time was 12.20, the location was just outside bar in Torquay, and the person responsible for this incredible revelation was non other than Scott 'beavonater' Bevan. As 'Bevs' arrived for Kev Nicholson's surprise 'do', I actually thought I was seeing things, there was a girl in the passenger seat!!.
At first I thought it must have been his sister, or counsellor, or maybe even just a friend, but no, Scotty B really did have a proper girlfriend. After being introduced to the lovely Kim I asked her how he had managed to trap her, she laughed (nervously) and then explained that they had known each other for a while, and that they had chatted for three hours most nights (on facebook of course, with Bevs no doubt harping on about his Achilles for 2hrs 45) until eventually they got together. I have to say that I am delighted for the big fella, not only is she really nice, she also has no problem with him carrying his bottle of anti-bacterial gel around with him, or in fact him talking about protein 24/7. Good luck and god bless.
By the way, it was brilliant to see the lad's, even 'Dingle', at Kev and Jenny's little get together. Hearing about their trials and tribulations in the world of football did remind me of that day to day training and banter. All I know is that an old school pairing of Hargreaves/Woods would still whip any Nicholson and partner combo hands down in head tennis - whilst blindfold and hopping on one leg of course!
See you soon lads.


CH

Tense

I'm trying my best to put some words down here, but with the board room being a bit tense at the moment (Apprentice) you will have to give me fifteen or twenty minutes....

Twenty minutes later...... ish! I know it's sad but I am currently watching Peter Andre whilst tucking into some Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. It has been one hell of a day, and although I would really love to talk about the troubles at Liverpool F.C and the latest football gossip, I cannot transmit thought to words. My head is far too fuzzy.
I did forget to mention though, while I am on the topic of Andre/Price/Reid, that I did watch the Reid/Watson fight and it was pretty damn good. Yes he lost, but he did get stuck in, and he may wear a dress and make-up at the weekends, but as I have said before 'don't knock it until you've tried it'!
Peace.


CH

Work

A great last gasp win in the Ryder Cup, a couple of medals already in the bag at the Commonwealth games, and just this minute, a real battle of wills won by Mr Hargreaves (Hattie's bedtime). All in all, not a bad day's work really.
Must say a huge thanks to Mr and Mrs H (senior) who spoilt the children rotten, as usual, this weekend.
Body malfunction = zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

CH

BIG 40

HAPPY 40th to Kevin Derek Albert Nicholson. You are a top lad and you look great for 40 mate. Great to see you guys today.

Love Tarzan

P.S Enjoy !!

Football skills

London

Well I spent the day in London yesterday - normal stuff, man about a dog etc - and what a day it was! An early start on British rail saw the first of the day's problems, no power. For £60 I expected at least a plug socket for the faithful old 'lappy', but no, I was told, snappily "There are some in first class", to which I replied, with as much sarcasm as was possible at that time, "Great well I'll just give you another £60 and pop in there shall".
After the long and powerless journey I arrived, saw the man about the dog, and then hopped back on a train to catch my ongoing train. This is when disaster struck. I was either given the classic 'Artful Dodger' move, or I dropped my wallet, but either way, as the train moved off and I walked through the station I realised it had gone. I quickly ran back up to the platform to get someones attention but no one was there, I then ran back downstairs to inform the staff at the ticket desk. The first woman I spoke to told me to go back up to the platform and tell someone, I told her that I had done that, she then tutted and asked me what train it was. I told her the exact train, time, and direction that it was going in. I also explained that it contained all my cards, money, and train tickets. She then made a phone call, begrudgingly, and waved me aside saying "Wait there then.....Next".
I waited, whilst panicking and cancelling all of my cards in the process. After around ten minutes I headed back to the window to be told "No it wasn't there, you will have to get another ticket". With this she pulled the blind down! I banged on the window saying "Is that it then, I'm in the middle of London, I have no money, no cards, and I actually bought a return ticket of which will be on record, and your just saying Buy another ticket....How"?. Her answer, "Get someone to buy you one". As she uttered those words she again pulled the blind down, smiling this time, and saying "Ok, yes you will have to buy another ticket, thanks then"
At this point I was on the verge of battering through the office, but as it was I thought that doing that would end in arrest, so I chose just to wander around aimlessly for five minutes to calm down and think.

TO BE CONTINUED................

9.50 p.m Just got back and had my tea, so here goes...

After a few minutes of thought I returned to the ticket office to ask if there was anything that could be done. It was a different lady the second time (who had obviously heard the previous conversation ) and she couldn't wait for me to ask, answering with an inevitable no. She did however have time to spit out one of the nut shells that she was tucking into, spitting it out in the process, before she uttered the words "Get someone else to buy you a ticket over the phone, it will be £55plus the admin".
I decided that I would rather eat my own shoe than pay that again, so I headed for the tube to get to London Victoria and National Express bus. I didn't have enough money, and asking anyone in London for anything is out of the question, so i then headed for the bus stop, to get a bus to a bus.!!!
Incredibly the bus driver (top bloke) let me off the fare as I didn't have the required money. Even more incredible was the fact that I got a phone call on the bus from a lady whose little brother had found my wallet! It was too late to go and get it, and I had missed the train and paid another £30 but she said that she would send the wallet back to me. Major bonus.

An hour later the bus arrived at the bus depot. My wife had bought me a ticket 'online' for the journey back, and so after the obligatory delay, a sumptuous six hours on a coach, the constant smell of ****, no heating, and a back of death, I was back in Devon. What did I learn ?

I learnt that London with no money is an evil place to be. I learnt that staff at British Rail in London can be *******, I learnt that London bus drivers are top people, I learnt that National Express is cheap, but rubbish and a bit smelly. I learnt that I am a pratt for losing or letting my wallet be stolen, and I learnt that when you are a tramp, don't ask a bloke with a suit on, who has lost his wallet, and has no money, for a handout!!!.

P.S Great day today. I was invited to speak in front of the senior greens at P.A.F.C and we had a great laugh. Good memories, a bit of banter, and a cup of tea.

Love is strong.

CH

Removal

Apologies about the previous video being deleted. It showed a goalkeeper throwing his top off and running from the pitch after he had made a bit of a blunder in a game. It was very funny and full marks to the keeper for sticking to his guns, but after looking at the clip again I think there was a link on the site to all sorts of weird and wonderful Internet 'stuff'. Better to be safe than sorry!

P.S Early start, bed time now.
P.P.S Leeds 4 Preston 6. What's that all about!

CH

PT away

A bit of fresh air, a lot of sweat, a good chat, and we are away. The PT sessions have started, and I have thoroughly enjoyed them. It makes a change to be on the other side of the fence - although in saying that I couldn't help but join in, after all don't they say to lead by example. Hope I didn't inflict too much pain!

Football wise and a few things have cropped up that are tempting me. I know that sometimes in life you have to play a waiting game, but it isn't half frustrating, waiting. Anyway back to reality, and shoes need to be bought, school projects need finishing off, and dinner needs creating.

CH

Overview

Since last blogging (that sounds so Yorkshire!), I have, in no particular order, taken the gang surfing, eaten lots of cake in an English country garden (thanks again Carol and Andrew!), helped with a school project, had a lovely roast lamb dinner, walked around a big reservoir, taken an engine to bits..ish so that Cam could have a burn on his bike(thanks again Carol and Andrew), bought three magnificent hot chocolate's, hoovered the car, broken my flip-flops, thrown the beach tent and wind-break away, emailed my head off (that's the children's description), text my head off (same again), and last but not least, I have watched a little bit of football.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend

Love to all

CH

Walk On

Massive congratulations to 'Sammo' at Northampton Town F.C. What a night that must have been, to beat Liverpool is one thing, but to beat them on penalties and at Anfield is just incredible. For the four or five thousand 'Cobbler's' fans who made the trip up to Merseyside, it will have been just about worth it!!.

Sorry Jase, you must be fuming today!

CH

Atmospherics?

Rude people shopping in Tesco, call centres, online delivery services, greedy people shopping in Tesco, those people who are tight and yet have money, drivers who become Superhero's in their cars, bull****ers, staff at Sports Soccer who can barely function, tradesman who do very little and yet who take the **** with the bill, and last but not least the mental price of petrol. I am of course generalising but these rants are just today's offerings from good old Brits I have come across. We do love a moan don't we! I say it could be worse, we could be living in India or Pakistan, Afghanistan or even France (that was a joke!).
It may be the fact that our summer is coming to an end, or that the cost of living is sky high, it could be the fact that we are being taxed to within an inch of our lives on a daily basis, or it could even be that the 'atmospherics' are effecting our moods, but one thing is for sure, we are a very tense nation at the moment. This nationwide mood was summed up for me this morning, two bus drivers were actually arguing with each other over who should move over! Where was the obligatory hand wave, the nod of acknowledgement of being in the 'firm', where was the flash of the lights and the blocking in of any cars so that the other bus could come out, where was Arthur and where was Olive (younger readers will not get that, I barely do!). They were all absent, and I was left watching on as two bus drivers huffed and puffed away. Come on lads, we live in Devon, let's not get wound up.
Take a leaf out of the book of the lovely old boy I came across the other day, he who reversed a mile back down a country lane to let me and my mate Nigel past. Fair enough Nigel's jeep could have eaten his little car and we would have had to reverse back around twelve miles the other way to let him through, but the kind gentleman in question just kept smiling as he weaved into, and then out of, the thorn bushes that lined both sides of the lane. He must have 'crashed' into the bushes at least fifteen times, and yet each time he would beam away and put his thumbs up at us, as if to say sorry at the time he was taking. When he had eventually reached his destination we gave him a big thumbs up and thank-you, and he was still beaming away with his thumbs up, even though his car was now scratched severely on both sides. Admittedly it would have been hilarious, if at the end of his manoeuvre, he had shouted obscenities to us and waved his fists, but he didn't and that's the point. He was taking whatever was thrown at him in his stride and just dealing with it. Now there is a lesson for us all - and it's not to make sure that when driving down a small country lane you are in a very big jeep!

P.S Footballers back in the headlines, there's a shock.

P.P.S Apologies about the amount of *'s in tonight's blog, it was a bit strong I admit, but I felt in context with the story. Anyway who gives a ****!

P.P.P.S Well done Sammo, go on you 'Cobbler's'.


CH

Website

Tired.com!

P.S Tomorrow I blog, and I blog big.

CH

Many Happy Returns

Can't stop, I'm in tax return hell!

CH

Update

Apologies on an epic scale for my enforced blog absence. I have had some major technical problems with the old 'lappy', and coupled with the loss of my iPhone(and subsequent mild depression that came with that loss) I have been rendered incapable of any 'postage' - to be fair I could have visited any one of the Internet cafes now dotted around, I could have used my wife's laptop, or I could even have used my daughters notebook, but lets not go on about it eh!.
Anyway, after a very busy week I am now sat down ready for action. First of all, well done to T.U.F.C for another good result, although I must admit I half expected the name 'Sills' to pop up on Sky Sports News. After all, isn't it the norm for ex players to score against their former clubs? Having not seen the team sheets or the report though, I don't even know if old 'Timmy' played, but I'm sure he got a good reception either way, and deservedly so.
I also saw the Sheffield Wednesday coach travelling back from Plymouth quite late on Saturday evening, always a sign that a team has spent a fair while in the changing room after a game!
At Hargreaves Towers the pace has remained frenetic. With the children back at school and my wife at work, and with me having separated most of my fingers to put in as many pies as I can, life is very busy at home.
Now the 'footy' career has finally come to an end, I am branching out in a couple of areas which is really exciting. As well as still waiting in the wings for someone else's misfortune (football jobs of course!),I am also going into the world of business. I am close to sorting out a premises for a coffee shop/eaterie which is something that I have always wanted to do. I will keep you posted on date, place, and menu!. And finally, I am soon to complete my PT training courses. I have always loved keeping fit and 'hammering' the gym, but soon I will be able to put other people through the mill as well, so be ready for Bleep tests, twenty minute 'beastings' and lots of press-ups! - other workouts can be arranged at a much more leisurely and enjoyable pace.


SIMON LOVE

Whilst watching Man United overcome Steven Gerrard's best efforts this afternoon, I helped a mate of mine, Paul Hannah, host an auction - Paul Hannah, of Glastonbury 'caining it' fame, and all round top bloke, that is.
The auction and game beforehand were for the charity MIND, and in remembrance of Simon Love, who had so tragically lost his life. Judging by the turnout, and the way people spoke about him, he was one hell of a lad. The auction and game raised well over a thousand pounds, and it will probably be nearing the fifteen hundred mark once all the counting has been done, and the beer has been drunk. The game itself was a good laugh but very, very painful. If I wake up tomorrow feeling like I did after 40 seconds today I will be reunited with a surgeon friend of mine before the the week is out. By the way Paul, you were fantastic, you had vision, determination, desire, and skill. Just don't take another penalty!
I have to say that I did feel sorry for the lads on my team, having to play with ten men isn't easy (I'll try to get fit for the re-match!).

P.S Nice one for the shirt Manse (Extra tight as expected)
P.P.S I can't quite remember the name of the lad who scored from 30 yards today!!
P.P.P.S Got to go as the girls are baking, the fire alarm has gone off, and I am worried.
P.P.P.P.S Kev, I still love you and think about you daily (I love Jenny more though)

CH

Faultless?

The blog that never was! The blog that I somehow managed to delete by mistake on Sunday night was basically about the Ferguson's experiences over the weekend ( Alex and Darren's that is, not Sarah's). It was also about a windy lane and an old boy, but not to worry, it is time to move on. It was entirely my fault as well, the fact that my typing is improving rapidly means that, as I am furiously banging away on the keys, there is always a danger of some bizarre combination of keys reacting in such a way that the computer just cannot handle. This was the case on Sunday. I chose not to smash the laptop up, as not only would it have cost me alot of money, it would also have sent out the wrong message - I smashed the table up instead!
I will blog away later but for now, it's time to go to work.

CH

OFF

OH MY GOD!. I have just written a peach of a blog which has taken me around an hour. I HAVE DELETED IT BY MISTAKE AND AM NOW MASSIVELY AND MORBIDLY ****** OFF. I am currently suffering from the onset of turrets, am considering smashing the laptop into smithereens, and am now getting a beer. See you next week!

CH

Changes

I'm going mad. I actually thought I had posted blogs in the last few days, I am obviously very wrong. I thought I had talked about Pakistan's cricket team, Harriet's bedtime stories, and a trip to see a man about a dog, but I haven't, and so I won't!
My wife has just attempted to switch on the BB final but my response was enough to persuade her to turn it off (whilst pressing the record button of course), and I am sat down after taking the children for a late night walk to the shop to buy some sweets. Very irresponsible I admit, but hell it's the weekend.
I was walking along Torquay seafront the other day and bumped in to an old mate of mine from Plainmoor. He was working on one of the day tripping boats in the harbour, and as we got chatting he told me a bit about his life, about the war, and about the bay. His stories were absolutely magnificent, from the Messhersmits trying to gun him down in the war, to the story about Vane tower overlooking the harbour, to the sea of warships lining up along the coast ready to go to war on D-Day - what a difference now, with speedboat rides, boat trips, and yatchs lining the marina instead of landing craft and battleships.
It was a quality moment with a top bloke and I just thought that I would share it with you, simple as that.
I am looking forward to all the games at the weekend, but I must admit I did get a slight pang of disapointment yesterday knowing that I would not be waiting for the bell to ring in a changing room somewhere and piling out to do battle with the lads at 3 p.m. Times are a changing though and my immediate plan is nearly complete. I will see you on the sofa on Monday but until then, have a good great weekend you beauties.

CH

Blitz

Today marks the 70th anniversary of the Blitz. It is incredible to think that our capital alone was bombarded for 76 consecutive nights and that a million homes were destroyed in the process. To look at London now you would never know it, and yet if you take a look at some of the other cities that suffered heavy bombing during the war, namely Plymouth and Exeter, the damage can still be seen today. Plymouth was battered to a point where it almost had to be totally rebuilt (badly in alot of cases) and in Exeter it was miraculous that the cathedral survived. Sorry I was just running away with myself there! You don't need a history lesson, you can listen to News At Ten for that, but God Bless to all those who had to endure Hitlers Blitz.

I know I have said before that I will never buy flat pack furniture again. Unfortunately I had a moment of weakness, as my wife suggested we purchase a laptop table and a chest of drawers for our son, Cameron. As soon as I picked the offending items up from the shop though I knew we had trouble. The laptop table wasn't too bad but the chest of drawers (small) was a different story. Altogether were a mind blowing 141 pieces - you can just imagine the instruction booklet!.
In the end it took me a toe curling 125 minutes to finish constructing the beast. I have to say it does look good, but having used seven different screwdrivers, a battery powered drill that was about as much use as a chocolate tea pot, and sweating as much as Wayne Rooney at a family barbecue, I have to say that flat packs are just plain evil. I really think that the people who design these things do it with pure malice in their minds.

Isn't it always the case, Wayne Rooney had to score tonight didn't he. That's twice he has....NO STOP IT.

CH

Business

Well, is Wayne Rooney a cheating, lying, philandering, adulterer. I don't know the answer to that question and to be honest I'm not really bothered. What does bother me though is the weak and cowardly responses from the same type of 'family' companies that stood by Tiger Woods during his 'couple of slip ups. You know the stuff, the 'no comment', the 'we stand by him during these 'allegations' sort of angle. Will someone ever show some ******** and tell it how it is. Or shall we just sweep it under the carpet and keep churning out the merchandise to the masses. Lets keep the kids coming through the door to buy the boots and shirts. Yes lets do that. If England had lost recently and Rooney had played badly there is no way Capello would have had in on that plane to wherever it is there going (OK so I'm not up with the fixture list at the moment) But no, the PR machine cannot be interrupted, nor can the 'bigger' picture. The argument with me is not about who did what - I'm not preaching here and I'm certainly no angel, if he or anyone else wants to cavort with a donkey whilst wearing a maids costume and hopping on one leg, then off you go - but what does annoy me is the way the money machine tries to pacify the situation. You can get injunctions or super injunctions or even Spaghetti Junctions but the truth will always come out, because as we all know your business is usually someone else's business too. The double standards are just a joke. And breath Mr Hargreaves.
I know it's probably the most unrealistic comparison of all time but dear old Mike Basset had it about right, and that's what we are missing here, a bit of realism - although seeing Fabio Capello dancing the night away with his star striker may be taking it a bit too far!

In other news (I like saying that) Burt and Bill have been separated for their own health (dwarf hamsters love a scrap!) Hattie has just told me that she painted the whole of Sidmouth and planted all the trees there, and I thank the lord. I just thank the lord, full stop.


CH

Skate park anyone!

Breaking news. Grandad Iain is crocked. Was it a DIY induced injury or a gardening graze ? No, Grandad Iain, an experienced and intelligent man, did in fact fall off Cameron's skateboard!. The result was a broken wrist, four hours in A and E and a plaster cast. One wrong move and he was on the floor with the skateboard flying through the air.
Chin up Iain I will get you some elbow and knee pads for Christmas!

In other news Mrs Millers birthday was celebrated this weekend. A great night was had by all at Mama Stones with lots of weird drinks, banter, and moves.

Crazy to think that only a couple of blogs ago I stated that footballers were actually out of the headlines for once. Whoops!

Night all.

CH

Beard

The beard has remained (a bit itchy though), two of the three children are back to school (tantrum free), I have just eaten a cheese sandwich (wreckless), and Fabio Capello is still annoying me (it's his face).

CH

Jesus

After typing around five thousand words, and creating dozens of mind boggling diagrams for my A licence theory paper tonight, I am now 'computer phobic'. I also have RSS from my gardening project. When I shut my eyes tonight I will either see a stick man full back overlapping or miles and miles of bind weed.
Well in the world of sport we certainly do have some controversy. What with Pakistan's cricketers bowling like Auntie Beryl, and Harlequins rugby chaps back in the dock about the 'blood gate' scandal, football is actually out of the spotlight for once. Add to these 'small' misdemeanors Kevin Peterson's 'Tweet' rant and football really can consider itself squeaky clean. Well apart form the odd super car write off and illicit affair that is.
On the home front Grandma Joan is still creating last suppers and Grandad Iain has taken over as temporary entertainments manager. The children are back to school this week so we are bracing ourselves for tears and tantrums (and that's just us parents), and finally, I intend to shave my beard off tomorrow as I look like Jesus.
Amen

CH

Hot McTavish

Fabio Capello is still annoying me, Carol Malone was spot on in the NOTW over the weekend, and I'm too hot too carry on. Much love to all.

CH

Gone Fishing

The time was 4.45 p.m on a Saturday afternoon. Was I playing a game, was I watching a game, was I even thinking about a game? NO, I was totally oblivious to the activity that has consumed my life for over twenty years. I was in fact in a boat fishing for mackerel, and I have to say it was great. We returned with a few freshly caught fish (caught by the children, as I steered the boat!) and it was only at about 10 o'clock at night that I realised I had no idea who had beaten who or even who had played who. Don't get me wrong my passion for football is as strong as ever and I really do want coaching to be my future, but just for one afternoon it was really refreshing (for my family) to be well away from the beautiful game.
On the topic of football though, well done to my old mates at T.U.F.C, top of the table and flying the flag for the South West clubs at the moment. As far as the Premiership is concerned the 'on the pitch stuff' has taken a back seat yet again. We are more interested in who crashed what car and how much it was worth. The answer is Dario Tagliatelle, or something similar, and the cost 120k.
Admittedly I have probably blown over 100k on cars in the past, but the difference being it has been over the last twenty years! and I certainly took it steady in the Vectra today as I headed towards the car boot sale laden with produce! Living the dream baby, living the dream - all proceeds going to Mrs Hargreaves and Mrs Miller's alcohol fund.

P.S Louix Theroux see you again soon!

Scatter brain

Its bad enough walking out of the supermarket and forgetting where you parked the car, but forgetting where your four year old daughter is, well that is just too much. Not only did I forget where she was though, I also asked my wife and children where she was (in a sort of 'honestly I'm not panicking my voice just sounds a little high' type of way). And their answer? their answer was actually just a look, a look onto my shoulders. Yes, that's right, my little Peppa Pig loving, Basagne loving, Basghetti Bolognaise loving little girl was actually on my shoulders. It must be tiredness!.

Criket poor, garden good, course good, children arguing, in-laws here, hair needs cutting, a glass of red would be good, chicken for dinner, have a good weekend.

CH

Whats for dinner

Just returned home, my dinner has gone down in one go, and I am now sat watching the Great British Waste Menu thinking of what we can produce tomorrow night with some out of date mince, a punnet of strawberries, a jar of gherkins, and an egg.
Hope you are all well out there.

CH

Space man

We do love a moan about several things in our fine country, from the weather (by the way where has the summer gone?), to the cost of living (two pints, two glasses of white wine, two appletisers, one fruit shoot, all for the reasonable sum of £22!). One thing we also love to moan about is the traffic, whether it be on the motorway or in the City we have a near nervous breakdown if we are delayed for more than twenty five minutes.
Imagine the horror we would be faced with if we had to cope with the jams currently being endured by the citizens of Beijing. With queues stretching back a mind boggling 62 miles, the Chinese traffic jam has entered its ninth day. Caused by roadworks on a main route into the city drivers are being informed that the mammoth jam could last for a month. Apparently drivers have been playing chess or cards and the 'locals' have been opening up stores by the road serving much needed food and drink.
If it was here there would be a riot. We would only have about three traffic offices on the scene - Over 400 hundred police officers are at the scene in Beijing 24 hours a day to keep it all calm - there would also be stalls by the road in our country, probably selling duvets for £30, coffees for £5, and cans of coke for £2.50p, although most drivers would have abandoned their cars and headed for home on foot. In fact I actually think that if it were here the country would grind to a halt, politicians would resign, someone would become famous for filming it in their car, and three dogs being rescued would make News at Ten.
Imagine phoning in for work everyday "Hi there I won't be in again today, I'm still in the car".
To be honest though it wouldn't happen in this country, and how it has in one of the worlds major superpowers is utter madness.

I see Fabio Capello met FIFA representatives today to bolster our bid for the 2018 World Cup. Two pointers here I think, he won't be in the job in 2018, and I bet the lunch today for the thirty or so FIFA visitors was epic.

And finally! The Devon village of Beer is famous for....space? Yes, it has been proved that micro organisms (nearly a fatal spelling mistake there) found in the rock in the cliffs at Beer can actually survive in space, the first of their kind ever to do so. If they can survive the harshest conditions of all I wonder if sprinkling a bit of rock dust in my coffee the next time we have a day trip there will enable me to survive conditions at home? Someone get the chisel!

CH

Town and Country

I have just returned after a few days in the 'smoke'. As ever I returned with the same conclusion, what a place! The gentry must have had one hell of a life 'back in the day' living in one of the many thousands of town houses. Five or six stories of luxury, often having a little green in front of them in case you needed a 'bit of air' Granted for every thousand 'Mr's' there were you had ten times that who suffered poverty in the capital on a daily basis, but lets no get bogged down with the ugly stuff! The place is just ram packed with architecture and history, hustle and bustle. Yes the people are selfish and panic if you ask them anything i.e where's the tube station. But apart from that, and obviously the fact that your not getting change out of two million quid for your townhouse....flat, or that it's full of smog and gets a bit scruffy on the outskirts, it's one great city.
Returning back to Devon is like returning back to the 'Vicar of Dibley' but thats not a bad thing, its just a shame that all our properties are being snapped up (and are going up in price) by so many second home buyers from......London of course!

I am always amazed at how much love is in my little Hatties' body and how innocent she is. This morning she jumped on the bed beaming away and said "Give me a smile Daddy". You just have to love that. I did and then we talked about life in general, her wish to go swimming today and the fact that she had to give me lots of kisses. As we speak Hattie is giving us a 'breakdancing' show and then apparently its time for for 'a day of playing'. Just a different sort of playing on a Saturday! But first of all I have had another request "Daddy when can I have a huggy from you". Children are just great, they don't judge, they have no agenda and don't suffer from paranoia, they feel no pressure and are not embarrassed by nakedness, they openly show emotion and love, and they just want to have fun. A few lessons I'm sure we can all learn from, not least the nakedness.
Peace.

CH

Pains

Well the first weekends premiership games are done and Blackpool go and win 4-0. It is amazing to think that only a couple of seasons ago they played against T.U.F.C, and lost convincingly, in the F.A cup. Pretty much the same set of players, but a very different manager later and they are mixing it with the big boys. One of the lads who played in the cup tie for Blackpool that season was at pains to point out recently that he was still owed nearly half a million in promotion bonus. How times change eh!.
Not happy with the Newcastle players 'wearing' taches for their recent game. Come on lads its not the student union!
And I still think Fabio Capello's reign as manager is a joke. Ok that is the football world done.
World news in general; we all went crabbing today and it was great. Sorry not to be more informative but you don't need News at Ten twice in a day.
Love to all.

CH

Believe

The washing is out on the line, and as usual it has started to rain, the pack up is done, the nets and crabbing lines are in, all emails are sent, the flask is full as is the car, and the bags are packed. Oh and the children are arguing (shock), my wife is in a mood (double shock), and I need petrol(treble shock). Off we go! I can only apologise about my recent blog blank, let me think, who can I blame...yes just me!. Will have a look at the world of football, and the world in general later, but for now its chocks away.

P.S I did make a spelling mistake in the last blog, it was I believe, across.

CH

Steelers

A classic weekend was had by all. The wanderers returned - in the form of my parents and all the children - after their epic surfing/being spoilt rotten holiday. A huge thanks, and congratulations to Avy and Mart (grandparents) who must have nerves of steel to have coped so admirably with four 'lively' children for a week. We obviously missed our little beauties while they were away but it did give me and 'her indoors' the chance of a few nights off. First we had a bit of a rare night out together, normal stuff of a few scoops, an argument, a taxi home, and a reconciliation!, and on Friday night the Millers were over for the latest 'cook off'. It was our turn and with the economic climate as it is (worldwide and domestically) we all decided that a budget bag would be the order of the day. For the princely sum of ten English pounds we were given the challenge to create a meal for four. Not only did we (Fiona) do it, and do it well, we also included an alcoholic accompaniment to wash it down with. The menu (all homemade)included , Nachos with cheese, chilli burgers, chunky chips and fries, salsa, guacamole, coleslaw, and chocolate moose with chocolate chip cookies. The only cheats were the fact we had some spuds already in. Oh and it was all washed down with 4 litres of pear cider for £3.98. Come on!. The meal was prepared for 6.48 p.m and then it was time to get ready.....we were soon sat down, drinks at the ready, for 6.59 p.m.
It just goes to show that it can be done and with that in mind this weeks shop will be a budget shop, big time. The only mistake we made during the 'cook off' was staying in the pub too long beforehand (to be fair though we were on foot and it was raining!!). We didn't eat until 10!
On the 'footy' front and it was another weekend of good results. I was with 'Sparksy' for the Plymouth game and whilst I watched the celebrations after Argyle's last gasp goal I could hear the commentary coming through the headphones of the T.U.F.C game. Apparently, such was the battering they had suffered, that the home crowd groaned when the fourth official put up the extra 4 minutes of stoppage time, it was too long!!!.
Closer to home and all I can say is 'Great goal Cam, well played my little man'.
Finally, and much more painfully though, today signalled the start of 'school fees'. It must be the same in every household accross the country. It's not the private school fees though, more the three pairs of school shoes and three sets of uniforms needed (including Cams secondary school stuff, we have a list of items to obtain that Ray Mears would be proud of!). Add to that the news of two forthcoming school trips (coming in at around £800), Cam needing a new pair of football boots, a broken oven and a leaking shower (indirectly annoying) and this month is getting a little bit hairy. Oh yes and of course there is something else...I have no (full time) job!!!!!!!!!. Don't panic Mr Mannering.

P.S Nearly forgot to mention that we had some great entertainment on Friday night and it was also free. Thanks again Sarah, see you next week for the wet T-shirt competition. Just don't forget to bring the T-shirt!!!!!.

P.P.S Congrats to Fiona who at the moment has more jobs than Pat Butcher (no comments on the resemblance please)

P.P.P.S No spell check, V rushed, will check in morn.

CH

Adam Stansfield

Today's blog is purely a tribute to Exeter City player Adam Stansfield. As I'm sure is the case with everybody I was extremely shocked to hear the tragic news of his death. 'Stanno' was a top player and for all those who knew him, a top lad. He was a fantastic player for Exeter scoring 37 goals in his time at the club. Everyone I have spoken to about him said how much of a great person he was, on and off the field. It is just horrendous that such a fit, young footballer, and father, has lost his life, and my thoughts really go out to his family at this time.

CH

Rubber face

Currently very bored watching the England game! Today has been a day of writing (Where's Your Caravan) with a total of around seven hours completed, totalling around five or six thousand words. As you can imagine my mind is a bit frazzled, especially having written about my early days for most of the day. Very traumatic!!!. I am at about season 1996/97 with the book, so only another 14 or so years to go!. Other than that I have tried to keep my OCD in check, I still had to clean every window in the house inside and out but you know these things need doing.
Anyway my wife is in a very bad mood (usual stuff) and she is heading downstairs so I will check out now and bid you all farewell.

P.S Goal, Gerrard! I like old Stevie G, he is a top lad. Wow just about to sign off and he has scored again, what a goal, what a player!. Capello's expression has not moved, it is still rubbery.

CH

Blog Alert

Malfunction!

CH

John Joyce

And the winner is......John Joyce!. A signed shirt, a signed book, and a personalised blog rant are on there way to you my friend. For those of you who entered the competition thank-you very much, you will not be forgotten!!. The answer of course was Scott 'I can't get a girlfriend and love weights, protein, and Greavsie' Bevan.

Well, as I have said before, this weekend was a first. It was the first time I have not been playing in the first game of the season in a long time. The truth is though that with the Premiership starting next week, and with England's shocking performances in the World Cup, I have been in demand from most of the Premiership clubs agents. I will therefore be kicking off the new season next week with the big boys, I can't tell you who I am signing for yet as I am just fine tuning the contract details but it is nearly done, I have accepted the basic wage of 50 grand a week (I had to be realistic as I am 38!), but the signing on fee really is the sticking point. I'm not being greedy but with the kids school fees, the 'porker' (Porsche to those of you who thought I was referring to my wife!), the new house (a snip at 900,000), and our holiday home in Marbella, it has to be right.
To get ready for the new season I had a run out for a Hospice care eleven yesterday against a Topsham Town eleven. My mate Jase asked me to play (and get a signed shirt of course!) and I really enjoyed it. There were a few very stiff players on that pitch and that was before kick-off but it was a great day, lots of money raised and a fantastic finish from Mr Miller (although the exertion nearly finished him off, stick to five-a-sides mate!).
Today I am back on the sofa with the lovely Natalie looking at the regions clubs performances at the weekend. Must go now though as Lawrence Llllweeeelllyyyeeennnn Bowen is making paper chains on This Morning.

CH

Winning start

Great results today, especially for my old mates at T.U.F.C winning convincingly at home (Stop smiling Kev!) and for Plymouth Argyle who had a great victory away at Southampton. I have also had some good news today but that is more to do with home life than football. I am now going to listen, talk, eat, drink, and be merry. Have a good one.

CH

Bell ringing

Bizarre, my wife is currently watching Doc Martin on the TV (we are obviously heading out later to party as our life is just all go!!!!!!!) and we were actually on set earlier!. Yes today was a sightseeing tour of Port Isaac, followed by a quick jaunt to Padstow (I mean Rick Steinstow of course). It has been a bit weird not preparing for a game tomorrow (in fact it's been terrible) but I will just have to settle for watching a game at the weekend instead. Anyway must go as I have left a bottle of plonk in the freezer to cool and I don't want it blowing up - and no I'm not turning into an alcoholic ex-footballer, yet!.
Have a great weekend one and all and good luck to everyone who will be pulling a shirt on at 2.50 p.m and waiting for a bell to ring. Last but by no means least good luck to all you supporters out there hoping for a win tomorrow and a successfull season, for once it can't be my fault if a team loses!!!!!

CH

Ado

It is great to have the children at home at the moment (and to be at home myself!!), Issy has a couple of new pets, in the form of Burt and Bill her new dwarf hamsters, Harriet is on the verge of moving in with Will next door (sorry again Amanda) and Cameron is on a sponsored Top gear watching session, whilst knee deep in Lego and Kinnex. We have just managed to get them all to bed!
After all that parenting though, as well as a bit of coaching and reporting thrown in for good measure I am absolutely shattered tonight and so without further ado I will leave you and tune in to Miami Ink with an industrial sized alcoholic beverage and a man sized portion of melancholy.

P.S Massive thanks to the 'in-laws' (Iain and Joan) who have looked after us all in a huge way for the last week.

CH

Does my bum look big?

It is heartening to read that the use of air brushing may soon have to be labelled, especially for the young girls reading the latest 'glossies', wanting to be like the unrealistically trimmed, buffed, and slimmed models on show - and for my wife who moans that she is morbidly obese every time she picks up a copy of Hello or OK magazine.
There is one exception to the rule though, poor old Sol Campbell (again) who was recently snapped in his new training gear at Newcastle. The fans saw the picture, which let's say added a few pounds to Sol's frame, and all hell broke loose. He had to publicly explain that he had been away on holiday and wasn't fully fit and he also added, which I thought was hilarious, that the new kit 'did nothing for him'. If only he could have had the picture 'proofed' before hand and subsequently airbrushed he could have escaped any grief, because now any wrong move on the pitch will no doubt result in a chorus of 'YOU FAT *******, who ate all the pies'!!!!.
I wonder if he will turn to Nicky Butt in the tunnel before his first game of the season and say "Does my bum look big in these shorts".

CH

Cheer up!

Cheer up Peter Reid? Well actually I met him today and he was not only a top bloke but he was also in a very good mood. I interviewed him for the 'beeb' this afternoon and it was an absolute pleasure. He has won almost everything in the game, achieved promotion as a manager, and even won the Player of The Year Award, and yet he still wants to win as badly as ever. It will be a tough test for Plymouth next season, with the budget, the inherited squad and coaching staff, as well as the debt, but I for one hope he does well.
Other than that I was still very sad to watch a team train knowing that this Saturday will be the first Saturday of the first game of the season that I have missed in over twenty years. A combination of factors has meant that I am still in limbo, I know I can play on, if the club is right, and I am sure that I can coach or manage a first team at a pro club, but for now it is a case of head down and earn money. I am a firm believer in grafting and if that means working for the BBC then great, if it means being a coach that's great as well, but if it means getting up at 6 a.m and digging in until 7 p.m, doing some hard graft, then bring it on. I will do everything in my powers to provide for my little clan as any man would.
Time for a medium to very large glass of red and a sit down.

CH

Space

Yesterday was a chance to get together with a few friends to have some great food, build some sandcastles, play some boules, but most of all to celebrate Hatties birthday - Beating Nicholson and Miller at Boules was also a high point.

I don't know whether at the moment I am a little bit short of patience and I'm not sure if this sort of thing only affects me but at the weekend I was on the verge of having to physically move someone who had stepped well inside my exclusion zone (no it wasn't you Kev!). It's the sort of thing you come across when you are talking to someone (usually non family and non close friend) and they step past the 'three feet away is a comfortable distance thank-you very much' zone. These sort of people are a menace to society and rationality (if that word exists) and this occasion was a prime example.
I was in a queue at a well known shop ( the one where you order your product, get a ticket, wait for your number to be displayed, and where, when you were younger, the Elizabeth Duke jewellery section took a hammering for Birthday's and Christmases ) Anyway I was about third in the queue to order my product (Gazebo in green) and, as normal, the customers in front would move towards the till after each order. But for some reason the man behind me, surprisingly complete with girlfriend, decided that the best place for him in the line was 17 and a half inches behind me. Every time I edged forward he breathed down my neck within a foot of seeing what the label in my top said (as it happens it said 'H and M').
In the end, such was his excitement to get his hands on his order, which was either a his and hers foot spa or a back, nose, and ear hair strimmer (he would have needed a heavy voltage) that he almost stumbled into me. I had no choice but to turn round and explain my views to him in the form of a heavy stare and a rolling of the shoulders to imitate my desperate need for space. I think he got the message and in the end I picked up my sixty seven piece Gazebo and walked out comfortable in my own space. Am I a weirdo? have I got issues? are you the same? Please discuss!!!!!!.

CH

Harriet Rose Hargreaves

Happy Birthday to my beautiful little girl who is four today. In Hattie's own special words..... we love you 'lots and lots and lots, and a million pounds'.

Friendship, innocence, and unadulterated love.

CH

Blooper

It was a change of role for me today in the form of a bit of reporting for the BBC. I popped over to Torquay's new training ground to interview one of my old mates Martin Gritton. He is a top lad, a good player, and to cap it all off, he still had his Glastonbury band on! Our little interview will be aired on next week although you may not see some of the 'extras'. Hopefully they will bring a blooper DVD out at Christmas and then 'Grit's' can sit back and cringe!!!!.
I have just had my dinner and soon it's going to be a long, cold, and much needed beer, then another, then bed. Tomorrow I am going in deep, my Indiana Jones mode will be switched to maximum and I will aim to complete my jungle adventure. Full report very soon but for now I'm heading for the beer fridge.

CH

Greed or growth

I had to laugh at a picture in the paper today. It was of Sol Campbell and the article was about his one year 30k a week deal with Newcastle. Nothing strange in a picture you may say, but tucked under his arm was not only a copy of the Times but also a copy of the FT (Financial Times). I know what your thinking, under both papers was actually hidden a copy of the Daily Sport and the other two were just for show. Then again, for someone who has already made one hell of a bad decision in the last year, maybe Sol was just looking at the share price of his wife's future company, Barratt homes heiress Fiona Barratt !!. Nothing wrong with a bit of speculating.
On the home front it's a case of 'all tools down', Grandad and Grandma have arrived. We have already enjoyed one of Joans special cakes and now look forward with glee to a week of not entering the kitchen. By the way I'm not sure what anyone else's children are like but the Hargreaves youngsters either have worms, are having massive growth spurts, or are just plain greedy. On Sunday I visited my local well known supermarket, the one where people love reversing for hours on end and talking about their piles in the queue. Anyway I bought the weeks shopping which included 18 packs of Hula Hoops and 24 Kit Kats. By Tuesday they had all gone, is that normal. In fact by Tuesday it had all gone, is that bizarre?.

CH

Endeavor

Just sat down, overworked, underpaid and shattered. I will endeavor to produce a quality blog tomorrow but for now its a repeat of the Moto GP and bed.

CH

Mushed

Mind mushed due to online form, hence four more words... see you tomorrow.

CH

'The' chat

A great weekend has been had by all, a bit of footy first followed by a quick chop of the old locks. On Saturday I nipped to see Jody (Jodes salon) for my regular 'ish' fix of gossip, banter, cappuccino, and of course 'trimmage'. Then it was time for some lovely food and top entertainment at our friends Andy and Kelly's, the food was great and don't even mention out of bounds on the Wii golf!.
While eating/cogitating/drinking/ we had a good chat about almost everything but one subject arose that always causes me extreme concern when mentioned is our children eventually getting older, getting married and leaving home. Don't get me wrong, like many family units, the arguments at Hargreaves towers are relentless, the battle of wills on a daily basis are legendary, and god only knows what the neighbours think when the windows are open and the 'heated debates' are in full swing, but I love those little beauties so much that the thought of them growing up, and doing all the things that grown ups do, is far to much for me to deal with. I will therefore do what any self respecting parent and father would and should do...bury his head in the sand and pretend that it's not happening of course!.
I also know I will soon have to have 'the' chat about the bees and the birds, the only problem with that though is that I'm still not entirely sure about the whole process myself!!!!!!

CH

Review

I was going to look back over the last 500 hundred days or so of blogging and share with you my ups and downs during that time, but is there really any need? The answer is no. It is no because I have already shared my life with you over that period and I would just be boring you all to tears going over it again. What I will say though is that during that time I have enjoyed some of the best moments of my career, and in fact my life. I (we) have also had some moments of real sadness and despair but looking back, for us (our clan), moving down to Devon has been incredible.
Present day problems and challenges continue, as they do in all our lives, but isn't that what makes life so exciting? Which reminds me, I must get a job!.
You will have to forgive if my blogging has become erratic recently but I am in a sort of transitional/thinking/working(ish)/emailing/phoning/deciding mode in my life. I am still not sure whether to hang the old boots up (although I am very close)but I am ready for the challenge of coaching/managing. For now though I am more than happy to crack on with my open air therapy (basically involving a saw, some shears, a hammer, a blade strimmer, a chain saw, a rake, a tuna baguette, some water, and consistent six hour shifts of elbow grease)

P.S Hargreaves is back on a screen near you soon.

P.P.S Thanks for the beers (and work!) Carol, much appreciated.

CH

Have a great weekend one and all, here's to the next 500 blogs!

M.O.T

My head thinks I have sunk ten pints, my back thinks it's ninety, my legs are refusing to carry the top part of the body, and my hands are still vibrating. I have jungle fever. Adios.

CH

Competition

To celebrate my 500th blog barrier (basically involving writing 500 days worth of rants, blogs, 'tweet' like statements, 'stato' facts , news reports, births, deaths, marriages, birthdays, a few tears and hundreds of laughs, I have decided to heap more misery on one lucky blog follower. I am giving away a signed Captains Blog book (signed by all the family including 'The Beast'), a signed T.U.F.C shirt (for the football side of things) and a personalised blog card with a private thought and rant from Mr Hargreaves (for the bizarre side of things). To win/be subjected to these obvious luxuries I am asking one simple question. In the book, (CB), who is wearing a T-shirt with Popeye on the front?.
Please send your answer, your name, and your address to Guy Henderson, web wizard/author/football pundit at ghenderson@heraldexpress.co.uk.
Guy is a top fella who really helped me out when this mammoth, all conquering, blog machine was created. He will have no bias towards picking a winner, apart from the obvious monetary back handers, and will randomly pick out one lucky/unlucky recipient, when he gets round to it!.

Closing date 7th August. Result date 9th August. (Wow it's suddenly like a G.M.T.V competition. PLEASE GET PERMISSION FROM A GROWN UP TO ENTER THE COMPETITION, ALL ENTRIES SUBMITTED AFTER THE 7TH AUGUST WILL NOT BE COUNTED BUT MAY STILL BE CHARGED!! ) Good luck, and god bless.

Today's celebratory 500th (and 1st) blog will follow later.

P.S You don't need to enter it Mum, I can send you a card as well!

P.P.S Neither do you 'Nico' I'll send you a card too!

CH